NFL Week 17 Picks: Droppin' Balls and Takin' Names...

Happy New Year, pimply wimply's. The ball has dropped on 2009, and Santa's gone back to his "workshop" (only to find Chris Hanson from To Catch a Predator there, but that's a whole other story..."what's with the Smirnoff Ice's and condoms, Mr....Saint Nick, is it?), so it's safe to say the holidays are officially over. Was a good run though, I must say. Got to see a lot of good family and friends over the winter break, and got a lot of solid feedback about the 'Nache. A lot of questions, too. Peeps asking about plans for Twenty-Ten (not 2 thousand and 10), the new website venture, and anticipating the rival of Rooch Nation's first college hoops Top 25 poll (Wesley J for President) of the new year...

Well, all in good time, my nappy friends. And I mean nappy as in "cool" or "ill", like the kids say. Not nappy as in racist. I might work at a station that airs Don Imus, but that doesn't mean I've crossed over to the dark side. Although if Spike continues to sir these Star Wars marathons I might have to consider. Hey, call me a geek if you must, but I'd rather watch that than the planned syndication of Entourage that Spike has in store. The drug use and the nude models are the only thing I like about that show! And don't come back at me with the "Well you liked The Sopranos on A&E..." bit, either. If you think that The Sopranos was only good because of the strippers, gratuitous violence, and the mafioso vocabulary, then I'm sorry to say but you missed the boat. And not the cool Vikings sex boat, either. Actually, I bet that boat was a good time until they came back in to port and got nabbed by the po-nines, so yeah. You did miss that boat...

But look at me, not even a week into the new decade and I'm already getting distracted. Some things will never change, I suppose. No matter what the date on the calendar might say...

So, it's on with the picks. Those aforementioned stories and topics will find their way across your virtual desk in due time, but for now it's another "lite" edition of the Nation, free from witty banter and cheap shots at Serena, but packed fuller than the latter's backside with the picks sure to fatten that folded piece of cow you use to hold your license...and for those that didn't get the memo, it possibly holds your condoms too. Then again, if I get into a "folded cow piece" and "condom" conversation, then I'd simply be distracted again, and at the same time re neg on my promise not to mention Serena. So let's just keep moving forward...

It's a confusing weekend across the league, with starters sitting, teams mailing it in, and others trying to close strong, or grab on those precious few remaining playoff spots. Makes for a tough week of picking, believe you me. But I'm gonna go ahead and do my best to weave through the dangerous minefield that Vegas has placed before me, and try to finish out the NFL regular season on a positive note. I've already locked up my 5th consecutive winning campaign, but as in years before, simply getting into the black just isn't gonna cut it in 2010. It's time to finish strong, kids! Time to take some freakin' names. Put a big number up there on the board, and storm into the playoffs with a full beard of steam...

Yeah, had to throw one final "beard" reference, in there. Aaron "the Beard" Rodgers may not have been able to put my team over the top in the fantasy Championship, but a #2 finish for me, and a #1 finish for my buddy, Derek, whose team I co-managed, is still a job worthy praise, both for me and Rodgers. Mostly for Rodgers, but my growing of a beard this season really can't be discounted as a reason for our success. I mean think about it. If I hadn't grown a beard, would Rodgers have really had such a great season? I doubt it. So if you also won money thanks to Mr. Beardsworth and his monster fantasy campaign, feel free to send at least 5% of your winnings to Rooch Nation world headquarters. Just don't send it to Frosco. He can't even get the comment section working properly, there's no way I'm gonna trust him with loose bills and possibly rolls of quarters and nickels...



So Happy New Year, everybody. Let's make it a good one. And let's start right here...by making sure the whiny Jet fans and their tard/Ted of a coach, Cryin' Rex "we can't make the playoffs" Ryan, don't pull the ultimate back-in job and somehow find their way into the post season. Nah, just kidding. Let's stay positive here in 2010, right? I mean, the Jets suck and everything, but there's no reason I should let their possible "success?" ruin the start of a new decade...

Something something something...complete. Now strike up "On the Dark Side" by John Cafferty Beaver Brown Band, and get your pick on....

(NOTE: Betting with Gilbert Arenas may result in you getting shot, so don't do it....Oh and betting with Nate Robinson might get you attacked by a nude Robinson in the shower via a dropkick, so I don't recommend that either. Unless of course you have some sort of muscly midget fetish, then by all means. I mean, stop reading my blog, if that's the case, but feel free to continue betting with Nasty Naked Nate. Gimme that cocktail...FRUIT!)


*Top Picks

Week 17 Picks
*New England Patriots (+8.5) @ Houston Texans

Buffalo Bills (-8.5) vs Indianapolis Colts

*Carolina Panthers (-7) vs New Orleans Saints

Philadelphia (+3) @ Dallas UNDER 47

*Chicago Bears (+3) @ Detroit Lions

**Minnesota Vikings (-8) vs New York Giants

Cleveland Browns (pick) vs Jacksonville Jaguars OVER 35.5

*Pittsburgh Steelers (-3) @ Miami Dolphins

Cincinnati Bengals (+10) @ New York Jets

San Fransisco 49ers @ St. Louis Rams OVER 40.5

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+2.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

*Green Bay Packers (+3.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

Denver Broncos (-11) vs Kansas City Chiefs OVER 38

Baltimore Ravens (-10) @ Oakland Raiders OVER 38

San Diego Chargers (-3) vs Washington Redskins

*Tennessee Titans (-4.5) @ Seattle Seahawks


Last Week: 11-7-0 (Top Picks: 4-1-0)

'09-'10 Top Picks: 72-59-6 (.547)

Overall: 143-102-7 (.582)

Lock of the Week: 13-3-0 (.813)


Tehre ya have it, kids. If you still haven't caught the Twitter bug, but your somehow reading this blog post, then I suggest you jump on board pronto. I know a lot of you think it's some sort of nerd-fest, but the ability to tailor your feed to your specific interests really makes it as nerdy or as un-nerdy as you want it to be. You can follow me, oddly enough, at RoochNation, and believe me, you'll thank me once you get the hang of it. It helps if you have a smart phone or a PDA with Twitter software on it, and to be honest, it kind of doesn't make sense if you're just using it from your desktop or your laptop. But get it, and give it a try. Like I said, if you like what you're reading here, you're gonna really enjoy what Twitter has to offer...

Now, like Mike Leach, I'm out. And like Craig James kid, I'm a huge Ted. Wait, not the second one...

Get in that closet, bitch!

Teddy Williams...
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