Ahhh yes, another weekend is upon us. And it being the last weekend for the foreseeable future in which we will have multiple football games to watch, it holds a special significance...
Greetings, Nache lovers, and welcome to the 2010 (that's twenty-ten, for those still not up to speed) edition of my Conference Championship picks. I've limped my way through the first two rounds like Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects, I plan on rising up like Keyser Soze, and leaving no doubt about my authority as I fade off into legend. OK, I'm not "fading" anywhere. It's just that Spacey in Suspects was the first thing that came to mind when I thought of a "limped" analogy, and the rest of it kind of just wrote itself. Not only is Usual Suspects an incredible movie, but Keyser Soze (Ky-zer So-say) is just a really cool name. I admit it doesn't look nearly as powerful written out as it sounds when whispered or when being screamed out in terror and agony...and in Hungarian...but it's still an ill name, and deserves to be respected.
And how funny is that picture I got up there? Google images, man. Just great stuff. And to whoever it is that seems to make a living out of making these mock inspirational posters about things I like to search for? Bravo to you, fine sir or madam. Bravo. I'm not sure what exactly it is that you're up to over there, but I'm feelin' your flow. Keep up the good work/continue the current drug regiment your on, and continue using all your "excess" income to enhance your already retardedly powerful home computer...
Anyway...So while I'd love to take this time to laugh at Glen Rivers and his "Celts Gone Wild", or talk a little Big East hoops, this weekend is for football. We got two big games, 4 QB's in the spotlight and enough compelling story lines, both real and potential, to keep even the most dubious Tweeters such as myself busy from kickoff at 3, til the final whistle blows somewhere around 10...
Conference Championship Picks
New York Jets (+7.5) @ Indianapolis Colts OVER 39
Being surprised that so many Patriot fans are rooting for the Jets this weekend is like being surprised that Tiger Woods isn't actually Jesus Christ, and is in fact, the best sex hound to ever grip a 9 iron. There. Just had to get that out of the way...
What? Fans are fish. Or lemmings. Yeah, fans are lemmings. Or, you could say fans are people that are still convinced that Vince Vaughn still puts out funny movies. Yeah, fans are just like that. They're sheep. YES! Sheep! That's what I was lookin' for. Except for the fans that are reading this, of course. You're not sheep. And if you are, you're my sheep, any
way, so I'll make sure and take good care of you. Ya know, as long as you keep pumping out that warm and industrious wool...and the occasional lamb chop. Hey, we all have to sacrifice, kids. And if that means every once in a while one of you is going to have to sacrifice a major chunk of flesh so that I can can eat and gain the necessary sustenance to survive, then that's just the way it's gonna have to be...
But back to the game...
Now while I haven't gone to rooting for the Jets, I can't help but see a lot of similarities between this team and the Patriot team that took down the first of their 3 Super Bowls. Gritty, vicious defense. A young and unproven QB (Granted Sanchez was supposed to be good, but you still 
know what I'm sayin'). And a coach in Sexy Rexy who, like the Hoodie, is about as polarizing as they come. The only difference, is that instead of using the Chuck Weis dink-and-dump passing game, the Jets actually have a legitimate, dare I say dangerous, running attack...
So, seeing as that's the case, that I think the '09-'10 Jets are akin to the '01-'02 Patriots, I'm picking the Jets to hang tight with the Colts this week, and for the game to finish somewhere in the 24-21 or 23-20 neighborhood. I can't say I know who's going to win, persay, but what I have figured out is that this game should be a barn-burner. Dare I say, an "instant classic". Just something about the way the Jets play, and the way the Colts were so instrumental in allowing the Jets to pull the a backdoor job that even Jenna Jameson would find impressive...
Basically, it's half the Jets looking "right for the part" of upset spoiler, and half the Colts being eerily similar to those other Indy teams that rested their players late in the season and took a bath in the playoffs. It's all just a perfect storm, like it was for Scott Brown. And while the last thing I want is to see the Jets making their way to Miami for anything other than 9 holes, a kilo of blow or a Cuban sandwich, I feel we're gonna have to sweat this result up until the final seconds...
Either somebody "loses" this game, or somebody "wins" it. Cliche, yes, but that doesn't make it any less likely...
New Orleans Saints (-3.5) vs Minnesota Vikings UNDER 56
Now while it would be easy and convenient for me to take my unused Colt and Jet hatred out on Brett Favre and the Vikes, it really has nothing to do with why I'm taking the Saints to win this one in a fairly comfortable fashion. Well, as comfortable as any home NFC title game could be, I suppose...
No, the reason I'm picking the Saints, and I wish I had something sexier for ya, but the reason I'm picking the Saints is because they have such a great home field advantage, and Minnesota is so shady on the road. IT's as simple as that...
Granted I want to see a Brett Favre v New York Jets Super Bowl about as much as I'd
like a hot colonic from the exhaust pipe of a 747, but I promise you that's not even entering into my thinking on this one. The Saints are just better, not that much better, but better. Combined that with the fact their at home, and it's not brain surgery as to how they came up with the 3.5 point spread. Brett Favre may have a legend worthy of Keyser Soze and Verbal Kint, but seeing as he sold his Asian lawyer sidekick for 2 bottles of Vicodin, he's just not gonna have what it takes for one final thrill. And hopefully, like that...poof!..He'll be gone...
Eh, he'll probably only walk away if the Vikings win the Super Bowl, but it's a dream of mine...and it tied in nicely with the theme I had goin' there. So I had that goin' for me, which is nice...
As was the case with all of my predictions last week, I'm taking the Saints in a relatively one sided game, which is why I'm also grabbing the UNDER. I'm thinkin' something like 27-17, or even 30-21, with the final score not accurately reflecting the blatant gap in dominance on the field. Maybe not a Favre blow up, per say, but he'll be upstaged by Drew "The Mole" Brees, and the Saints will go marching on to the Super Bowl...
And YES, I used that "marching" cliche. And NO, I don't care how that's altered how you think about me. What? It's a good cliche! And the team's rarely any good, so when else am I supposed to use it? So stop being an elitist, and just enjoy the pun for what it is. Pun intended, I say! Pun in-tended! Bam!
Last Week: 5-3-0
'09-'10 Playoffs: 5-7-0
So there you have it, kids. From my brain, to your eyes, with a little help from an intermediary best known as Mr. Al Gore. And before I sign off for the day, I'd just like to pass along my heartfelt condolences to MR. Pete Sheppard, formerly of WEEI's "The Big Show". Shepp was shockingly let go this week, after 10 years with the show and 15 with the station when a bunch of suits at the corporate offices moved a few digits on a spreadsheet that deemed him expendable. Unfortunately, it's just another case of corporate miscommunication in the communications business, something that oddly enough is all too common...
Listen, I know times are tight right now, and even people we like are going to lose their jobs, but when the station has done nothing but increased it's ratings
choke hold in the wake of upstart 98.5 The Sports Hub, I find it hard to believe Entercom (EEI's parent company) couldn't have made an exception for it's flagship station, and the #1 Sports Talk Radio station in the entire country. And to that end, how did $1+ million a year host, Glenn Ordway, not step in and throw his weight around a little for his "buddy" Pete? You really telling me Glenn couldn't have gotten Pete a new title in order to avoid this "position elimination". Little shady there, but without all the information, it's just pure speculation for me to think that was even possible, or if they are indeed friends to the extent that Glenn would do that for him. It certainly appears on the outside as that should be the case, but then here we are...
Hey, like I said, business is business and I get it. But just because a "business" decision is made in hopes of protecting the bottom line, and it might look cut and dry on paper, doesn't mean it's actually going to help your company going forward. IT's just unfortunate that in a business that sells itself on "listening" and "communicating", time and time again it fails miserably at a corporate level to do even come close to doing either. It's a tough business, and we all know that going in, but it's decisions like this, with no inherent logic behind them that make it much tougher than it really should be...
So good luck, Shepp. You're already missed, and we're all rooting for you to land on your feet. I was never a huge fan, but that doesn't mean I don't respect your talent, and notice the void you've left in The Big Show. Both figuratively, and literally. Hang in there, big guy...
And like that...poof!...I'm gone....Yeah, that's right. Again...
Teddy Williams...
100...
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