Monday, October 26, 2009

NFL Week 8 Picks: Getaway Day...

Ladies and Teds, I've made an important decision. Actually, it's more like I've come to an important conclusion. And no, it's not that I've decided to be Pedro's dead midget for Halloween. For a change, this is actually semi-serious. So here it is, my revelation...

Less is more.

Ooooo, I'm so deep. Like the bucket seats in Serena's Corvette. But just because my new thought process is popular saying and a long time philosophy, doesn't mean that when it comes me, it doesn't still apply, right?

And believe me, it's not an excuse as to why I haven't been on my A game as of late, either. More, it's just a slight change in philosophy mixed with a small dash of reality. Translation? I'd rather post less often and have those posts be on topics that I truly am passionate about. You know, more of a "the rhythm is gonna get you" type deal rather than the "just another brick in the wall" mentality...

OK, even I didn't totally get that comparison, but I think the point has been driven home. When it comes to the Nation, less will be more. I'll still have my picks every week, and I'll still be posting on a "regular basis", just not actually on a "regular schedule" if you know what I'm sayin'. It's more of a quality control thing, really...

That, and I'm about an hour away from leaving for a debacherous weekend in New York, so I had to think of an adequate excuse as to I A) didn't post earlier in the week and B) why my weekly picks were so abbreviated...

So enjoy this week's picks, as I head into the pleasure-dome that is New York City, and keep one eye on the horizon for the next edition of Rooch Nation. If my gut feeling is correct, you won't have to wait too long, and when it does arrive it will probably be a big hate-fest on JD Drew and Theo Epstein, with a little side order of why current Red Sox fans could give two shits about the World Series...

Hey, what can I say. Apparently just the illusion of "absence" is making my heart grow fonder for one of my all time favorite topics. Bashing JD Drew...

But for now, it's on with the picks, so I can get on to the city. Enjoy...

Week 8 Picks

Denver Broncos (+3.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

This year's Broncos are essentially last year's Ravens, minus Joe Flaccid's rocket arm...and the different uniforms...

That being the case, I always like new over old, so I'm taking the Broncos. OK, that's not entirely true, but seeing as it fits my current argument, let's roll with it. Both teams are coming off of a bye, and even though Baltimore is at home, I don't think that dictates that they'll come out of this one a winner. Hey, I may have been slow to come around on the Broncos and quick to crown the Ravens, but this week's pick should help set things straight...

On a side note, does anyone else find it peculiar that a guy with the name "Flaccid" has such a strong and powerful limb? Weird, right?...

Miami Dolphins (+3) @ New York Jets

I'll be at this game, kids, but I've decided not to wear my Ricky Williams' dred wig. I will, however, be attempting to intoxicate myself on par with that of an attendee at a Ryan Family Reunion. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

Oh, and originally I was gonna take the OVER so I could just root for a crazy game and not have to root against the Jets, but I've decided what the Hell. Fuck the Jets, man. Matter of fact, fuck the Dolphins, too. Who am I kidding? I don't like either of these teams. That's why, I'll just be rooting for myself to have a good time, and I'll be picking the Dolphins to win not because of any sentimental reasoning, but just because I think they're the better team...

T-E-D-S TEDS, TEDS, TEDS. That's what I'll be surrounded by...minus of course my good friend, Jared. He's not a Ted at all, just a nappy sports fan. And there's nothin' wrong with that, no matter what team he decides to root for...

Indianapolis Colts (-12.5) vs San Fransisco 49ers

The Colts have officially become the only team, that's not your home team, that you can comfortably watch with your girlfriend, without her requesting you to change the channel. That is, if Peyton continues to spread the ball around and you make sure to place a few well timed comments...

Yeah, it's all about Hank Baskett-Wilkinson...

A few grabs for Hank, a few comments about how you missed last week's episode of he and Kendra's reality show, and it'll be Sunday Night Football before you know it...

Oh and when your girl decides to put on a football jersey for ya and prance around the room doing her best Kendra impression, there's no need to thank me. Granted it probably won't be as sexy in a Wes Welker or Michael Vick jersey, but I think the general idea is still the same. Besides, unless you're totally inept, that jersey should end up on the floor sooner rather than later anyway...

Mmmmm. Kendra is annoying as all Hell, but damn that's a fine ass. Get a wildcat in that backfield, see what happens. Right? Right? Huh? You know what I'm talkin' about? Yeah, you definitely know what I'm talkin' about...

But in case you didn't, it's wild doggy style sex, with no inclusion of Ricky Williams, but a possible appearance by "Ronnie Brown", if you get my drift...

Tennessee Titans (-3) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Yeah, I'm really not sure what I'm doin' here, either. Oh wait, I know what it is. I'm depending on the Tennessee defense this week in fantasy. Imagine that? If you told me before the season that I'd be able to just walk onto the waiver wire and pick up the Titans defense in week 8, I flat out wouldn't have believed you. Probably doesn't bode well for my chances this week, but I'll use that karma any way I can...

Hell, even if it's not karma, Fisher and the Titans have to win sometime this year, don't they? And what better chance than the first game of the season in which they start Vince Young?!?! Yeah, that was sarcasm. And yes, if it's what you were just thinking, I am picking this game in a sort of reverse psychology type move. You know, predicting the irrational? It usually never works out well for me, picking in such a fashion, but like I said, I really need the help on my fantasy team...

And Jeff Fisher has a beard, so there's that...Matter of fact. Make this pick my bearded lock of the week. How's that for triple reverse psychology?...

Arizona Cardinals (-10) vs Carolina Panthers + OVER 41

With Beanie Wells adding another dimension to the Cardinals offense, and the Arizona defense making me regret with each passing week that I dropped them from my fantasy squad, it's becoming clearer every week how and why this team ended up in last year's Super Bowl...

As for the Panthers? Well there's not really much to say. If Jake Delhomme keeps turning the ball over at his current pace, he's gonna make the old Brett Favre look like a combination of Tom Brady and Joe Montegna. Ya know, the actor?...

Buffalo Bills (+4) vs Houston Texans

Here's some more poor reasoning for ya. I'm picking the Bills this week because their QB, Ryan Fitzpatrick, is from Harvard...

Well that, and I don't think the Bills are nearly as bad as people think...

Minnesota Vikings @ Green Bay Packers OVER 47

The game of week, without question, and it should be a shootout. The game earlier in the season in Minnesota had a total of 53, so despite the fact they might be dealing with some weather this weekend, I'll still take the 47 and run with it. After all, if we've learned anything the last few weeks, it's that the inclement weather virtually always favors the passing game. Especially when it's snow...

Now I'm not sayin' it's gonna snow in Green Bay this weekend. I mean the next time I look at a Wisconsin weather report will be the first. What I am sayin', is that even if it does snow, I've got ya covered...

Go Beard, Go! Go Beard, Go! Hey Wisconsin what do you say, I heard that Favre is fucking gay...(sung to the beat of the song "Go, Cubs Go!", which oddly enough, can be heard right here!)

If the picks above don't tickle your fancy, and the song hasn't gotten you in a toe-tappin' good mood, there are a few OVERs down here worth taking a look at. And I hear ya. "Oooooo Rooch you only pick OVERs and never pick UNDERS". Well, to that end I only have one thing to say. Rooting against team's scoring points is just unnatural, and anyone doing so, is more than likely a member of Al Qaeda. I'm an American, dammit. We like big boobs, big beers, big cars, big wars and lots of points. Defense is cool, don't get me wrong, it's just even cooler when the defense ends up in the endzone. That way, everybody wins!..

Oh, and speaking of terrorists, amazing terrorist references in this week's Office and It's Always Sunny. If you haven't seen 'em yet, I strongly advise you take a look. After you finish up here, of course...

Chicago Bears vs Cleveland Browns OVER 40

Detroit Lions (-4) vs St. Louis Rams

Seattle Seahawks @ Dallas Cowboys OVER 46

Oakland Raiders (+16.5) @ San Diego Chargers

New York Giants (pick) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Monday Night
New Orleans Saints (-10) vs Atlanta Falcons

I'm still on this "the Saints are the best team in the NFL" kick, so despite the big point spread, I'm stickin' with 'em. And if the OVER weren't an insane, college football like 56, or whatever it is, I'd prolly be picking that too. Ya know, it being Monday Night Football 'n all. It's just with that amount of points, it really takes two teams to cover. And while I'm confident that the Saints can hold up their end of the deal, I'm not as sure about the Falcons...

Last Week: 6-7-1

Overall: 59-45-2 (.566)

Top Picks: 25-25-2 (.500)

Lock Of the Week: 6-1-0 (.857)

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(1) Florida (-15) vs Georgia (Jacksonville, FL)

(13) Oklahoma St. (+9) vs (3) Texas

(10) Oregon (+3.5) vs (4) USC

(5) Cincinnati (-15) @ Syracuse

(6) Boise St. (-35) vs San Jose St.

(7) Iowa (-17.5) @ Indiana

(8) TCU (-35) vs UNLV

Tulane (+36) @ (9) LSU

Vanderbilt (+12) vs (11) Georgia Tech

(12) Penn St. (-15) @ Northwestern

Southern Miss (+7) @ (15) Houston

(17) Ohio St. (-44) vs New Mexico St.

(18) Miami (-7) @ Wake Forest

(19) Utah (-17) vs Wyoming

(20) West Virginia (-3) @ South Florida

Tennessee (-5.5) vs (21) South Carolina

Kansas St. (+28) @ (22) Oklahoma

(24) Mississippi (-4.5) @ Auburn

Washington St. (+28) @ (25) Notre Dame

Last Week: 15-7-0

Overall: 68-43-3 (.610)

See, I didn't even have time to do a quick little cute summary of what's to come in this week's slate of Top 25 games. That's how busy I am. That, and I wanna grab a quick bite before I hit the road...

Have a great weekend, everyone, and have a Happy Halloween...

Teddy Williams...



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