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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sey-Mour Trannies?: NFL Predictions + Week 1 Picks


It's the eve of the NFL season, and despite my recent trip to the future, the anticipation and excitement of whats' to come still have me all a flutter with a sense of joy and wonder. OK perhaps that's a little too fru fru and verbose, but I must say I am rather wound up and ready for this season to kick off. Dare I say, I'm ready for some freakin' football!!!...

From the return of Tom Terrific to the 3rd return of Brett Favre, the NFL is never short on story lines and this season seems to have as many as any other in recent memory. Can the Steelers repeat? Were the Cardinals just a fluke? Who will be the team this year to go from worst to first? From first to worst? All tough questions, and all will be without answers until these teams suit up to take the field, starting tonight with the Steelers and Titans...

Naturally, I've taken a look into my crystal ball, and have eloquently laid before you my predictions regarding the upcoming season. You'll find some of my predictions lengthy and in depth, while you'll find others are short, to the point, and more often than not, brash and flippant. I mean hey, I love the NFL as much as the next guy, but for even me to sit here and attempt to wax poetically about the ins and outs of the NFC West would be a bit of a stretch. I do my research like anyone else, but when it comes to breaking down teams my knowledge works outward. It starts with the Pats, goes to the East, then to the AFC, and then to the rest of the NFC as a whole. Do I still consider myself an expert of sorts? You're damn right I do. I mean it's all relative, isn't it? And I still more than you, don't I? I thought so...

So, after a brief stop over in Richard Seymour land, I'll present to you my picks, from game one to the Super Bowl, for the upcoming 2009-2010 season. IF they're anything like my picks from a year ago, you'd be wise to take them with a grain of salt...and a shot of Jack...

But like I said, first we're gonna have to take a stop over in Richard Seymour land. And no, I didn't at any point consider naming this post "Adventures in Dick Land". That's just gay...


When Richard Seymour was drafted in 2001, it signaled the start of an era in New England. Granted nobody really knew it at the time, but in hindsight it was the drafting of the 6'6" 300 pounder from Georgia that really got the Patriots headed in the right direction. In one fell swoop, Bill Belichick was able to put his stamp on the Patriots, New England was given a big body up front to solidify it's defense, and new era Patriot fans were finally clued in to the nuances of what make a great football team...

Lemme say that again. Not only did Richard Seymour provide an obvious lift on defense, but his "I make plays that don't show up on any stat sheet" style actually seemed to clue in Patriot fans to a different brand of football. How football really works, if you will. They were exposed to a world where a defensive end didn't need 8-10 sacks to be considered a viable top 10 pick or an AFC Pro-Bowler. Simply put, once Patriot fans were clued in as to why Richard was actually good (occupying blockers, etc.), and the Pats started to pile up the rings, Patriot Nation became as snobby as an Upper East side charity auction for poodles with arthritis. Your D-end has 15 sacks? Well up yours! Our D-end only has 2 sacks, but we still won the Super Bowl, and he still made the Pro-Bowl! Bam!



It was as if all of a sudden, New England fans went from ignorant doormats, to arrogant elitists that weren't going to let some fan from the South tell them what was what, even if they'd been watching a playing football for a more extended period of time. Not to say that the Patriots don't have their own sense of tradition, but I liken it to the Mariners winning a starting a string of World Series Championships in baseball. Sure they're franchise is legit, but is anyone really going to believe that a Mariner fan knows what they're talking about? OR that they're team is all of a sudden the standard barer in the sport? No freakin' way. Baseball in the Northwest? That's like football in the Northeast. OH, well I guess I just made my point...

Richard's emergence not only signaled the arrival of the league's latest dynasty, it signaled the beginning of a love affair between a fan base and their coach. After all, it was Belichick that was able to identify Seymour as the talent he needed to solidify his signature 3-4 defense. The perfect player in which he could center around all of his intricate schemes. Drafting players like Seymour not only made New England a perennial contender, but it instilled a blind faith in Patriot fans for their fearless, hooded leader. Not only had he introduced Patriot fans to a new style and a new breed of star, but he'd started a track record of proving his adeptness that has built itself up to almost an infallibility. Whatever he does, he did the right thing. Trade Milloy right before the season? They win the Super Bowl. Let Branch and Samuel walk out the door? They win anyway. You hear "In Bill We Trust" a lot around here, and I can't say I disagree. It's just that the reasoning a lot of fans are choosing to use when it comes to this Seymour trade that has me questioning whether they truly understand the madman they hold in such high regard...

What I mean, is that just because it was the case with Branch and Milloy before him, Bill Belichick did not trade Richard Seymour to the Oakland Raiders for a 2011 1st round pick because he thinks the soon to be 30 year old defender is "finished", "past his prime", "washed up", or whatever euphemism de jour you chose to attach to his departure. From what I can tell, and from what makes sense based on what they've done in the past, the reasoning behind the trade was basically 5-fold. Those 5 reasons being the one's that so appropriately follow this next set of ellipses, and this find picture of Bill and Dick...




1) Seymour is a free agent after the '09-'10 season.

When the season ends he's gonna want Albert Haynesworth type money, and I can't say I blame him. He's got the resume (3 rings/5 Pro Bowls), and he's only going to be 30 years old. Problem is, with all of their other players that are also coming up on free agency, the Pats need to pick and chose who they can sign. By trading Seymour, that opens up a huge chunck of salary cap space to sign whoever they deem worthy. A lot of people immediately assume it's Wilfork who'll get tabbed with the cash, and while I see that as a distinct possibility, I choose to simply look at this "new money" as flexibility. Who knows, maybe the slap the franchise tag on Wilfork and use the money somewhere else. Either way, there's now more money to spend, and that's never usually a bad thing. In this instance, I find that aspect of the move rather prudent. It not only signals that the Pats are looking ahead, it signals that they're always open to moving any player at any time, as long as the price is right. Gotta say though, it's rather pleasing to see that they are looking ahead, considering what's coming...




2) It's widely believe that the 1st round pick in 2011 will be "slotted" based on the new rookie salary structure.

You know how they do it in the NBA? Where players are essentially locked in to certain salaries based on where they were picked? It's gonna be just like that. So as opposed to year's past when the Patriots didn't like being locked in to high draft picks, the Pats plan on seizing this opportunity to get a top 10 talent and what will seem like a drastic discount. The commitment won't be as large, which means the risk won't be as great. A perfect time to take a franchise tackle on either side of the ball, or draft someone you view as the heir apparent to Tom Terrific. Treat it like that #7 pick they would have had if not for the SpyGate repercussions. Except more valuable because of the discounted price tag...

Now should the new labor agreement not bring the slotted salary structure? Well then expect Bill to trade back and get value for what should be a top 10 pick. Granted I won't like the deal nearly as much should they get (2) 2nd rounders for Richard as opposed to one top end 1st rounder, but I still see that as tremendous value for a guy you weren't going to be able to sign to begin with...

3) They plan on utilizing the 4-3 more this year than they have in years past.

This point is just as key as the potential financial ramifications. While I still believe Seymour is a premier 3-4 defensive end, I don't think he's nearly as valuable to the Patriots should they decide to primarily use a 4-3 defensive front...

He goes from being one of the top 3-5 guys at his position, to probably somewhere in the top 15-20. And again, I'm not trying to sell him short, i just don't see edge rushing as his strength. I'd rather take my chances on the outside with Adalius Thomas, Tully Canta-Cain, Jarvis Green, and they guy whose trade to New England sparked the Richard Seymour talks, former Pro Bowler, Derrick Burgess. Those players typically provide more of an edge rush, and will hopefully serve in applying more pressure to opposing QBs. Something that's much more important in the 4-3 than it is in the 3-4...



And yeah, it was when the Pats inquired about Burgess that this whole Seymour thing got started. That's not inside information or anything, but I think it's always fun, and diligent, to take a look at what actually started these dominoes careening towards the Black Hole that is Oakland, CA...




4) They felt they were dealing from a position of strength.

Hey, if you feel the defensive line is your strength, with veterans like Warren, Wilfork and Green, situational rushers like Burgess, Thomas and Banta-Cain, and most importantly rookies Ron Brace and Myron Pryor, then what better position than from which to deal a top flight starter? Depth is depth, kids, and the fact is this deal signals that Belichick and his staff feel there won't be a severe drop-off between Seymour and his replacements...

Think of it like Moneyball, where Billy Beane "replaced" Jason Giambi's production with David Justice, Scott Hatteberg and Jeremy Giambi for the fraction of the price. I'm not saying there's that kind of dollar-cost averaging going on here, but I think with different packages being on the field more often, Belichick feels he'll at the very least be able to use these other players to hide that area of weakness. At the very best, he feels there will be an improvement...

Then again, one injury along that front could send them scurrying for the free agent list. It's also important to note, the closest thing Billy Beane ever got to a ring was when Brad Pitt was supposed to play him in a big screen adaptation of the book that made him a household name. So maybe that strategy isn't all it's cracked up to be...


Who plays Belichick in a movie? I say Philip Seymour Hoffman. Cover him in that hoodie, and you'll forget he was in Boogie Nights and Twister faster than you can say "It is what it is"...




5) Losing a player of Seymour's caliber isn't going to be the difference between winning and losing a Super Bowl in 2009-2010.

It's obvious. This move doesn't make the Patriots any better in 2009. But does it make them any worse? Not in my opinion, which is part of the reason I'm not concerned on whether or not he even reports to Oakland. He sits out, the Patriots retain his rights, and they control what they do with him at the end of the season. Either way, he's not going to be playing for them this year. No way. Not gonna happen. And to that end, I think Seymour is just a little shell-shocked, considering reports he thought he and the Pats were close to a long term deal, and I figure he eventually gets over it and reports to Oakland rather than sit out the whole season. Doing that would just create a huge mess. The Pats would retain his rights, making Seymour a free agent in 2011 under a new collective bargaining agreement that more than likely won't be favorable to long term, big money deals...

So, like I said above, the move towards a more 4-3 oriented defense really plays a big part in this. In the 3-4, I think they are considerably worse without Big Sey, but in the 4-3, not so much. Not that he's inept or anything when it comes to being a 4-3 End, I just don't think the drop off is that severe when it comes to his replacements...

Take those 5, very important, factors into account, and it seems reasonable that Belichick could deal Seymour even while still considering him an All Pro talent. IS there a chance that they dealt him because they thought he was over the hill? I guess. I mean, this wouldn't be the first time Belichick and I weren't on the same page. It just shouldn't be the first explanation that pops into your head. I know Bill has had success getting rid of guys at the right time before, but he's also the master at trying to get value at every turn. In this case, I think the value was just too good to pass up...


We're gonna miss you Richard. Thanks for the memories....and Welcome to Oakland, BITCH!


Now, with that out of the way, it's on to the predictions. From the man who told you both the Ravens and Cardinals would go 3-13 last year, and that the Pats would walk away Super Bowl Champs. Yeah, I'm that good...




AFC East
1. New England Patriots (12-4)*
2. New York Jets (8-8)
3. Miami Dolphins (6-10)
4. Buffalo Bills (4-12)

Defense or no defense, the Patriots are still far and away the class of the East. Brady and Co. look poised for another offensive display for the ages, and that should be more than enough to lay claim to a 5-1 division mark at the very least...

In The Big Apple, Mark Sanchez seems well on the track to proving me wrong in thinking he was way over hyped, but that's just not gonna be enough to push the Mean Green into the playoffs. The only way they're better than 8-8 is if they take a huge leap forward from their 27th ranked pass defense of a year ago. If you can't stop the pass, you're playing from behind. If you're playing from behind, you can't run the ball. If you can't run the ball, you put all the pressure on your rookie QB. You put all the pressure on your rookie QB, and Rex "Tater Salad" Ryan ends up plastered on NY's back pages with a look on his face as if he's just passed a Rhode Island sized kidney stone. "You tell me how that got in there?!?!"...

As for Miami and Buffalo, both should be in for turbulent times. I give it 8 weeks before TO and Marshawn Lynch start drinking each other's blood before games in an attempt to become invincible vampires, and I just see Miami having that traditional 3-4 game slide that happens the season following a worst-to-first campaign. Then again, if things don't implode in Buffalo, and Miami doesn't take a step back, then the AFC East could again be one of the toughest divisions in football. How's that for fence sitting?...



AFC South
1.Indianapolis Colts (13-3)*
2. Tennessee Titans (10-6)*
3. Houston Texans (8-8)
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11)

Tony Dungy or no Tony Dungy, the Colts are still the team to beat in the AFC South. It's Peyton's team, and much like Tom Brady above, if he's healthy, the Colts should roll. With the return of Joseph Addai and the drafting of Donald Brown, Indy continues to stockpile weapons on offense, and even if this tough division, should be able to hold their own enough on defense to relatively cruise to another 12+ win campaign...

Tennessee should suffer a bit out of the gate thanks to a brutal schedule, but their hard running style and lock down defense make them a virtual lock for another postseason berth. I mean, have you seen Chris Johnson run the bean? Do you know who Keith Bullock is? Sure they'll miss Haynesworth in the middle, but I have enough confidence in Jeff Fisher to get scheme around the big fellas absence and have his team ready for war...

Houston figures to surprise almost simply because they're "due", and count me in the thousands that believe that even with Maurice Jones Drew, the Jaguars figure to be stagnant on offense and unable to keep pace with their divisional brethren...



AFC North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (13-3)*
2. Baltimore Ravens (12-4)*
3. Cleveland Browns (7-9)
4. Cincinnati Bengals (4-12)

The defending champs, the sexy pick, and the two chumps from Ohio. I don't feel the need to go any further than that...

..and No. The fact that Brady Quinn has been named Cleveland's starter has done nothing to alter my opinion. Eric Mangini is still a Ted, and everywhere he goes, Ted-like results will follow...



AFC West
1. San Diego Chargers (9-7)*
2. Kansas City Chiefs (6-10)
3. Oakland Raiders (4-12)
4. Denver Broncos (3-13)

The San Diego Chargers have been an enigma the past few seasons, and this year's bunch doesn't figure to be much different. Fortunately for them, the rest of the NFC West figures to be pretty awful...

Look for the entertainment in this division to come from Al Davis getting assassinated by one of Raider Nation, Tila Tequila making a "4 midgets Only" sex tape with Darren Sproles (and then Shawne Merriman killing them both) and Mike Shanahan's catcher's mit of a face cackling it up week after week as Josh McDaniels and the Broncos get pummelled into Mile High submission. Kyle Orton, huh? Yeah, I'm sure that's gonna work out just great...


AFC CHAMPIONSHIP
Pittsburgh Steelers OVER New England Patriots

Hey, believe me, it pains me to say it. There's no team I despise more than the Steelers and there's no team I'd rather see the Patriots beat. Fact is, though, they're far superior on defense, and just good enough on offense to hang with the Pats, and put them away in the closing minutes. This game will be billed as a battle to settle once and for all who is the league's best dynasty of the new millenium, and hopefully, despite a Pittsburgh win, the game will live up to the hype...

It doesn't hurt that the game will be played in Pittsburgh, either...



NFC East
1. New York Giants (11-5)*
2. Washington Redskins (10-6)*
3. Philadelphia Eagles (10-6)
4. Dallas Cowboys (8-8)

Fans of the NFC East will tell you they have the toughest division in football, and while I dont necessarily disargree, I tend to see some volatility that may cause two of their better teams to take a step sideways, if not backwards, in the 2009-2010 season...

In New York, I see in Hakeem Nicks, the heir apparent to Plaxico Burress. That being said, the G-Men shouldn't miss a beat, and should be contending for a 1st round bye deep into the regular season...

Albert Haynesworth should help solidify the defense in Washington, and I really like Jason Campbell's chances of solidifying that offense. Maybe he won't be lighting it up in the fantasy football sense, but if he can spread the ball around and utilize the strong running game then Washington's going to be in a lot of games...

In Philly and Dallas? Well that's where I see the potential for some serious volatility...

In Big D, Romo and head coach Wade Phillips figure to butt heads causing Jerry Jones to get involved and threaten to make Jason Garrett the head coach. And in Philly? Well I just expect Philly to be Philly, and underachieve to the point where they're fans are begging for Michael Vick to set his dogs on Andy Reid. What? He doesn't do that anymore? OH, OK. Well then like I said last week, look for Andy Reid to OD on heroin, and for Donovan McNabb to puke when he attempts the same thing. Fly, Eagles, Fly! On the White Horse to victory!...

Cheez Whizz covered, gristled steak eatin' Teds...



NFC South
1. Atlanta Falcons (9-7)*
2. New Orleans Saints (8-8)
3. Carolina Panthers (7-9)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-10)

The next time I correctly predict what happens in the NFC South will be the first time. That being the case, while I would traditionally pick the Falcons to backslide and for the Panthers and Saints to battle it out for the top spot, I'm going against my better judgement, and picking Matt Ryan to lead his boys to the NFC South title. I don't think they'll have quite as much success on offense, but I really like Mike Smith, the head coach, and feel he's gonna have his team on an even keel, yet ready to do battle each and every week. In this division, I'd be shocked if consistency like that wasn't rewarded with a playoff berth...



NFC North
1. Green Bay Packers (12-4)*
2. Chicago Bears (10-6)*
3. Minnesota Vikings (9-7)
4. Detroit Lions (4-12)

Last year I picked the Packers to go 11-5 and win the North. I also picked Brett Favre to come out of retirement and lead his team to the playoffs. Needless to say I was wrong on both accounts...

This season, with Favre back in the NFC North, I see karma coming to bite him in the ass. While I don't see Brett "The Vike-odin Master" Favre falling flat on his face a la 2008, I do see his "chuck it up and get it" style hurting this team more than it helps. I hear a lot on how their running game and defense are too good for Favre to mess it up, but I can't help but think those people are still imagining the Favre of say 4-6 years ago. The Brett Favre of the here and now shows up to throw the ball deep, collect pay checks, and violetly slap dudes asses. Nothing else. he says he wants to win, and I believe him. It's just the absence in his life of someone telling him he's "through" that's the issue. He might make things more exciting in the Twin Cities, but I just don't see him being able to reign his own ego in enough for the Vikes to sneak into the playoffs...

And as for the Bears, I know the offense isn't quite clicking yet, but when it does, look out. Look for them to come on strong as the season progresses, and become one of the favorites to reach the Super Bowl by the start of the playoffs...

Oh and did I mention that Aaron Rodgers has a beard and is therefore leading my fantasy team this season? Yeah. That's either the kiss of death, or a recipe for success. Might as well just put all my eggs in that bearded basket and predict the high power Green Bay offense, along with an emerging defense, propel the Packers to the division title I had them grabbing a year ago...


NFC West
1. San Fransisco 49ers (8-8)*
2. Seattle Seahawks (7-9)
3. Arizona Cardinals (7-9)
4. St. Louis Rams (6-10)

There's a lot of talk of resurgence this year in the NFC West, and I can't say I disagree. San Fran is ripe for a revival, QB or no QB, thanks to the new mindset brough about by Mike Singletary. The Seahawks and Rams finally seem healthy. And the Cardinals are coming off last year's improbable run to the NFC title. All that being said, I still don't see a single team finishing above .500. So that, my friends, is where the analysis ends...


NFC CHAMPIONSHIP
Chicago Bears OVER Atlanta Falcons

After a relatively slow start, I see both the Falcons and Bears hitting their stride at the right time, with the Jay Cutler and crew shuffling their way into the Super Bowl behind a stout defense and a suddenly explosive offense...



SUPER BOWL XLIV
Pittsburgh Steelers OVER Chicago Bears

Again, I don't want the Steelers to win the Super Bowl any more than most of you, but I've never been a big fan of defying logic that's right in front of my face. I know how tough it is to repeat, but much like the Patriots earlier in the decade, the Steelers just seem to have that special something that's able to push them over the top. And boy the dynasty debate that will rage on in it's wake...



Now that I've sucked all the suspense out of the regular season for ya, lemme at least make it up to ya by helping you make some money. I print more paper than the US Government, baby. Just ask my loyal followers who have lined their pockets the last few years, while I've sat here week after week telling you it's not wise to gamble on sports...

I still feel that's the case, but seeing as nobody wants to hear it, and I'm still eager to give you my picks, we've arrived at this beautiful and elegant understanding. I make my picks, you read them. If you win, laud me with praise. If you lose, and thus are relieved of some of your hard earned cash, I don't wanna hear it, you degnerate. To quote Brick Top in Snatch, "When I throw a dog a bone, I don't wanna know if it taste's good or not". He also then goes on to threaten the guy he's talking to with casteration (are we splitting hairs here, Donny?), and stabs him in what appears to be his crotch. You'll get none of that here, just the picks you crave, from the guy you know that can deliver you that sweet, sweet casheesh...


NFL Week 1 Picks
Pittsburgh Steelers (-6) vs Tennessee Titans

Atlanta Flacons (-4) vs Miami Dolphins

Baltimore Ravens (-13) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Carolina Panthers (+2) vs Philadelphia Eagles

Cleveland Browns (+5) vs Minnesota Vikings

Cincinnati Bengals (-4) vs Denver Broncos

New York Jets (-4.5) @ Houston Texans

Indianapolis Colts (-6.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Detroit Lions @ New Orleans Saints OVER 49

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+6.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

San Fransisco 49ers (+6) @ Arizona Cardinals

Washington Redskins (+6.5) @ New York Giants

Seattle Seahawks (-6.5) vs St. Louis Rams

Green Bay Packers (-3.5) vs Chicago Bears


Monday Night
New England Patriots (-11) vs Buffalo Bills

San Diego Chargers (-9) @ Oakland Raiders

A pretty gross line for the Pats, especially considering their aforementoned lack of defense, but there's no way I'm starting the season with any sort of bad karma hanging over my head. Suck it, TO. You're in for a long year, buddy...

At least his Tweets should be entertaining...


Oh, and here's a look at my resume. That is if you're still not convinced I've got what it takes. '08 was the 1st year I picked every game, every week, so that accounts for the weighted record. And as for my "top picks", I won't start wheeling those out until week 2, along with my NCAA top 25 picks. I don't like making big time picks if I've yet to see a team play. I'm picky like that...

Last Season: 139-90-12 (.602)

2008 Top Picks: 76-39-8 (.650)

ALL TIME: 325-154-28 (.669)



Now, to finish up this week, I'd be remiss if I didn't clue you in as to why the title of this post has a form of the word "tranny" in it. Granted it's a good word to use just to grab the stray reader on Facebook that simply cruises the feed looking for lists to make on their top 5 breakfaast cereals or which Volkswagen they were in another life. But my intentions were more genuine...

So I'm in Dunkin Donuts the other afternoon on my way to work. When I walk in, I realize the line is a little long, and seeing as it's a Mobil and a Dunkin Donuts, I figure I'd get the bag of Smartfood I was going to purchase first while I wait for the line to die down. As I turn about face, I make eye contact with this rather tall gentleman. He probably couldn't see my eyes because of my pimp, mirrored Aviators, but you get my point. Now upon seeing this guy, I got the feeling that I knew who he was, and even felt I got a look from him that he knew me. So I started sifting through the ole memory bank...

Still with no answer as to the dude's identity, I pay for my delicious Smartfood, and go to stand in line at Dunkin' Donuts. Now by this time, it's just me and this guy who's identity I still can't quite put my finger on. Do I work with this guy? No. Was he a Cuse person? Ehhhh, no. IS he a friend of a friend or something? Maybe. IS there a chance I played sports with....wait...sports...tall guy...basketball....I got it! I think I know this guy because he looks exactly like Tyler Hansbrough. Wait...is it? Nope. OK, just looks like. Pheww! Glad I got that straightened out. WOuld have been bothering me all night at work. I had just saved myself 2 hours of scouring Facebook to figure out who this tool was...

OK. So story over, right? WRONG.

So at this point, it's just me and Tyler left in the line, and he's already ordered. Now mind you, at this point the only two people working at the DD are a middle 40s white woman, and a fine piece of 18-21 year old that seems to be of Azorian or Portuguese descent. So Tyler goes to pay for his beverage, and he's paying entirely in loose change. Nothin' wrong with that. I do it frequently myself. But as he goes to pay for the coffee, he drops a bunch of the change all over the counter, prompting an "Ahhh" in frustration. The woman tells him it's OK and begins to slide the change off of the counter, at which point Tyler apologizes and says "I'm sorry, it's that time of the month"...

Me, still in the privacy of my mirrored shades, the cashier, and the tight-assed Portuguese-lookin' chick making my iced coffee all immediately snap our necks in his direction. I'm thinkin' "Did this guy just say it was that time of the....".....and before I even got the thought out in my brain, the guy whom just moments ago I thought was one of the best collegiate basketball players of all time just hurredly blurts out, "Oh right, I forgot I didn't have my 'stuff' on. I'm actually a woman trapped inside a man's body"....

And with that, he picks up his coffee, and walks away. No "ha-ha I was just joshin' with ya", no wry smile. Just, "Oh yea, I'm actually a she-dude and I forgot I didn't have my drag outfit on", and a walk out the door. In a word, epic. In two words? Freakin' bizarre...

That, my friends, is the reason why I will have a fantasy basketball team this year named "Tyler Transbrough", and it's also yet another reason as to why I feel the need to pass on slices of my life right here every week, on this glorious piece of Intraweb...

Like they say in the movies "You can't make this shit up"...

You're right. I couldn't if I tried...

Have a great weekend, kids, and I'll catch you next week for a recap of all this week's action...

Be good...

100...

http://www.911truth.org/ NEVER FORGET

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