Friday, September 18, 2009

NFL Week 2 Picks: One Time, Rogah!

Greetings and salutations, boys and girls. It's Friday, which can mean only one thing. It's time to get your pick on. But before we delve into this week's slate of NFL games, I'd like to first give props to several RoochNation contributors, who have forwarded along videos they felt would be welcomed additions to this week's post. And wouldn't you know it? I happened to think they were right on the money...

First up, we have Justin "Livin' It UPstate" Lee, who sent this along with the subject line "the decision is yours to share it with the world". Well, Justin, consider it like, umm, ummm, like....shared...

Poor kid was probably nervous, but either way, he just made Devin Hester look like a freakin' Rhodes Scholar. And that's no small ummm, like, achievement. Yezzir...

Next up, we have a video that's been rapidly making the rounds on various message boards and social networking sites, but was passed on to me by good friend, Andrea "Jewels" Pukilus. I just came up with that nickname right here and now because I thought since I gave Justin one, Andrea should get one too. Those of us that know her might find the pseudonym eerily appropriate considering her profession. And for those of you that don't know her, she's a roadie for Jewel, and that was my inspiration. Her hands are small, I know, but they aren't mine, so I can't say shit...

Her poor taste in music aside, this next clip is one of the funniest things I've seen it quite some time. If you're familiar with the show Mad Men, you might not be able to make it through the clip without crying or spewing liquid from your nose. If you're not an avid MM veiwer, then I'm sure you'll still get a kick out of the crude language and the over the top Boston accents...

Teddy Williams...

One time, Rogah!

Ahh, man. I'm tellin' ya. If you're familiar with the show, and you love it just half as much as I do, then that's probably one of the funniest parodies you've seen in your entire life. If you haven't seen it, and you still thought it was hysterical, then you can just lump yourself in with the people that laugh at jokes during Family Guy that I know for a fact you don't get...

See what I did there? Things were going on smoothly. We were all laughin' together and enjoyin' some nice viral content and BAM! I just called half of you out for being frauds and posers. It's OK, though. I'm sure in about 5 minutes you're all going to have the same opinion of me...

Let's get on with the picks...

NFL Week 2 Picks

New England Patriots @ New York Jets OVER 44.5

I can already here the pink hats chastising me now. Calling me a fraud or a poser, saying my New York City friends have finally converted me. Hell, it's bad enough I have to explain why it's "OK" for me to attempt to carve out a living producing Yankee games on the radio, never mind trying to explain why I didn't pick the Pats over the Jets...

But hey, when it comes to giving advice on games and spreads, there's a part of my brain that just can't ignore facts and logic. It's at the same time what makes it "devilishly hard" (as my mom would say) to watch a game with me, and what makes it extremely beneficial to have access to my knowledge and insight...

This week, those "facts", if you will, are that the Patriots just aren't that much better than the Jets right now. On offense the Pats still hold a distinct advantage over New York and their rookie QB, but other than that, it's pretty much all Mean Green. Which I guess is just to say they have a far superior defense and special teams. That doesn't mean they're the better team, per say, it just speaks more to the fact that I can't trust the New England defense further than I could throw them...

So, with that knowledge in hand, I figure why not pick the over? I have confidence the Patriot offense will still be able to score, and I'm just as confident that, especially in the Tedowlands, the the Patriots defense won't be able to stop the New York offense. I know in the past people would always expect Bill Belichick to confuse rookie QBs with his different looks on defense, but I just don't think this group has it in them. I'd love to be proven wrong, but until that happens, I'll be taking the OVER in nearly every Pats game from here on out...

Oh and for the record, it's statements like the ones made by Kerry Rhodes and Rex Ryan himself that display why guys like Ryan will never be great coaches in this league. I mean, seriously. Giving the Patriots, or any veteran team like that, bulletin board material? I just don't see how that's ever going to do your team any favors. Then again, I'm also not a dead ringer for a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, so what the Hell do I know...

Pats 38 Jets 31. There, just so I don't get accused of picking the Pats to lose this week....

Green Bay Packers (-9) vs Cincinnati Bengals

I'm not sure if you saw the week 1 games, but in case you didn't, allow me to fill you in...

The Bengals are still awful, and the Packers are one of the NFC's best up and coming teams...

Oh, and the game is being played @ Lambeau Field...

Makes you wonder why the spread is only 9, doesn't it? Hmmmm. Well shady Vegas line aside, I'm making this game what a cornier site would call their "Lock of the Week". I'm still deciding on which funny moniker I'm going to give to my "Lock of the Week", and as of right now I'm still open to suggestions. So far "The Ted Pipe Lock" is the leader in the clubhouse, but after stellar video submissions like the ones above, I'm sure my loyal and creative fan base will be able to come up with something much better. So get at it...

Detroit Lions (+10) vs Minnesota Vikings

Remember what I said earlier about knowledge and insight? Well, even the best of us have our moments. In this NFC North match up, it's pretty simple. I'm not picking the Lions, I'm picking against Brett Favre. Nothing would please me more to see Favre and the Vikes drop their first game of the season to the only team ever able to run the table in reverse. Granted Adrian Peterson will probably run roughshod over the hapless Lions, rendering Favre irrelevant, but should the Lions find a way to pull this one out, I'll be damned if I'm gonna be on the outside looking in...

Arizona Cardinals (+3) @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Not that this is a make or break game for the Cardinals' season, it being a road game and just the second game of the year, but after their week 1 performance against division rival San Fran, look for Warner and the boys to be out for blood this week against the Jags. Jacksonville showed some heart last week in losing by just 2 to the Colts, but it's still to early for me to back off my pre season prediction that Jacksonville was going to go 5-11, and finish in the basement of the AFC North...

Look for Warner to finally get in a grove with his bevy of talented receivers and take the Del Rio's Jags out of their "run first" comfort zone. Forcing Garrard and CO. to pass the rock to win is a great strategy, whether home or away, and I expect it to work this weekend for the NFC's defending champs...

Atlanta Falcons (-5.5) vs Carolina Panthers

These two teams could not have started their respective seasons on more opposite notes. The Panthers suddenly find themselves in a bit of turmoil after DeAngelo's near injury and Jake Delhomme's 5 turnovers, while after an impressive week 1 win, Matty Ice and the Falcons are out to prove that last year wasn't just some flash in the pan...

Head coach Mike Smith has his boys ready to play on both sides of the ball, and should have John Fox and the Panthers scrambling for answers right from the opening gun...

Then again, this is the NFC South, and in that division, things go about as smoothly as Kanye West's KKK induction ceremony. Then we'll see who really hates black people, won't we Mr. West...

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3) @ Chicago Bears

Two weeks ago, this would have been billed as one of the season's great defensive battles. But one game, and two key injuries later, and both Pittsburgh and Chicago are looking for answers as to how to fill their respective voids. Thankfully for Steeler fans, Pittsburgh's defense, much their team, isn't so one dimensional that it's going to fall apart over the absence of just one player. So even if the Chicago offense can get on track, I don't like their chances of supplying enough defense to make up for the meager 3 point spread...

Just as I predicted in the pre season, this game should turn Bear fans against Jay Cutler, only for him to lure them back as the Bears hit their mid season stride...

Now, with those "top picks" out of the way, here's a look at the rest of this week's slate, just ooozing with potential income opportunities...

New Orleans Saints @ Philadelphia Eagles OVER 46

Washington Redskins (+1.5) vs St. Louis Rams

Kansas City Chiefs (-3) vs Oakland Raiders

Denver Broncos (-3) vs Cleveland Browns

Tennessee Titans vs Houston Texans UNDER 41

San Fransisco 49ers (-1.5) vs Seattle Seahawks

Buffalo Bills (-4.5) vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Baltimore Ravens (+3.5) @ San Diego Chargers

New York Giants (+3) @ Dallas Cowboys

Monday Night
Indianapolis Colts @ Miami Dolphins OVER 41

Some pundits are already saying that Indy's offense is past it's prime, but look for a Primetime, WildCat shootout to end all doubt. This one should be nothing but points from the word go, hence why I think it's a good idea that you steer clear of the spread, and put your hard earned dough on the over...

Last Week: 7-9-0

Overall: 7-9-0

Now, if you would be so kind, allow me to debut this year's NCAA Top 25 Picks. In a typical week, I'll usually comment on a big match up or two, but seeing as none of these games really strike my fancy, I'll just leave you to imagine the clever things I would have said about this weekend's big on campus tilts. I'm sure there would have been a joke about Lane Kiffin in there somewhere...

NCAA TOP 25 Picks

(1) Florida (-29) vs Tennessee

(2) Texas (-17) vs Texas Tech

(3) USC (-19.5) @ Washington

(4) Alabama OVER North Texas

(5) Penn St. (-29.5) vs Temple

(5) Mississippi OVER SE Louisiana

(7) BYU (-7.5) vs Florida St.

(8) California (-14) @ Minnesota

(9) LSU (-26.5) vs LA Lafayette

(10) Boise St. (-7.5) @ Fresno St.

(11) Ohio St. (-20.5) @ Toledo

(12) Oklahoma (-17) vs Tulsa

(13) Virginia Tech (-4) vs (19) Nebraska

(15) TCU OVER Texas St.

(16) Oklahoma St. (-32) vs Rice

(18) Utah (+4.5) vs Oregon

(22) Kansas (-22) vs Duke

Arkansas (pick) vs (23) Georgia

(24) North Carolina (-7.5) vs East Carolina

(25) Michigan (-24) vs Eastern Michigan

Last Season: 140-83-7 (.624)

NOTE: Through the 1st 2 weeks, I'm 22-16 in my college picks league. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

So there you have it, weekend warriors. I gave you reason to laugh, reason to think, and more than enough betting advice to satisfy even the biggest degenerate. Well OK that last part might not be true, but if you do crave more action than what's been supplied here, then I suggest you put the bottle down and step away from the online blackjack table. You need help, and far more help than even I could possibly give you without being given access to a car battery and a small kiddie pool...

So good luck to you all, and make sure to check right back here on Tuesday for all of the fall out. And remember, just because there isn't a new RoochNation link posted on FaceBook, doesn't mean I haven't been hard at work. As diligent as the good people at FaceBook might be, they're still a little slow on the uptick when it comes to uploading all of my posts. If I were you, I'd bookmark RoochNation like I have, and you'll be sure to never miss a single post...

After all, the last thing you want to do is fall behind in your reading of the SportsBlog of record, isn't it?...

Teddy Williams...



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