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Friday, March 06, 2009

Big Moves for Cassel, Manny and Some Guy in Dallas...


Greetings and salutations loyal followers, and welcome to the special Birthday Edition of Rooch Nation...

There's no "birthday theme" running through the blog this week, it's just my birthday. I turn 26 on Saturday, and I figure I'd throw it out there. Ya know, in case any of you want to send me something or wish me well. Perhaps a card with a dead president inside. Preferably Bush...Ha!...

What I do have for you this week, is my long awaited takes on both Manny Ramirez and Matt Cassel. If you're not familiar with the stories, I suggest you utilize one of the many links on the right side of my page to do so before you read on. After all, I'm not trying to break news here, I'm trying to give my opinion. So what good is my opinion to you if you have no basis on which to judge it? Huh? Huh?!

Get read. Get educated. And then come get your Rooch on. It's kinda like stop, drop, and roll. IF you don't do them in the right order, you just end up burning to death in your basement...

Never a good thing...

Enjoy...


Matt Cassel

When it comes to the trade of Matt Cassel to the Kansas City Chiefs, there are a few important things you need to know before you even start shooting your mouth off with that you think is your "informed" opinion...

1) The Patriots were simply going to cut Mike Vrabel, but saw it as a better PR move if they made him part of the Cassel deal. They wanted him cleared off their salary cap one way or another, and saw that throwing him in on the deal instead of cutting him, would be much more palatable for everyone involved.

2) Their relationship may have made the deal easier to negotiate, but there is no way that this was in any way, shape, or form, some kind of "sweetheart deal" between Bill Belichick and Scott Pioli.

So, accepting those 2 statements as fact, did the Patriots get the best deal possible?

No, they didn't. They got a good deal. Probably the best deal possible under their apparent self imposed time table...

After all the dust has settled surrounding a possible 3 way deal with Denver and another deal gone wrong with Detroit, it seems like they got the best offer the market had to bare...at that time. That's the key. If it turns out the Patriots didn't have an immediate need for this influx of cap room, i.e they don't make another deal, then I'll begin to question why they pulled the trigger so quickly. I mean in a draft where top QBs Mark Sanchez and Matt Stafford have more question marks than the coat room at a Batman convention, you had to figure Cassel would be worth something on draft day, wouldn't you? I know his cap number is huge thanks to the franchise tag, but since when has that really ever stopped anyone from making a big time move? We've seen whole drafts traded for guys like Herchel Walker and Ricky Williams, so don't tell me people aren't capable of some crazy draft day shenanigans...

And I'm not even saying this money needs to go towards bringing in a big money guy like the rumored, Julius Peppers, I just want to see that the money was needed in general. Re-sign current guys (Wilfork) and bring in a few veterans (Springs/Galloway) if you want, just show me that the reason you made this deal so quickly was because it was all part of a grand plan...

So if that truly is the case, and this move is part of a series of dominoes, then I'm perfectly content with what the Patriots received as compensation. They get essentially a first round pick, for very reasonable money, and they get to clear nearly $18 million off of their cap. In the grand scheme of things, that's really not too bad for a back up QB. It's important to remember too that the franchise tag on Cassel, while it was able to bring compensation as opposed to letting him walk, was probably used as leverage against the Patriots in all negotiations. Is it possible they got a little nervous they were gonna be saddled with the money and pulled the trigger a bit early? I suppose. But I figure it more served as one of many motivating factors involved in the aggressive execution of their off season plan...

History tells me this is all gonna work out fine, that Bill knows what he's doing. But what I'm not gonna do, is rule out the possibility that one day we look back at this trade as the day the tail wagged the dog. Where the scoreboard would officially read, Pioli 1 Belichick 0. I don't think that's the case, but that in itself is what makes this deal so intriguing in the first place. It's something else the Patriots have done that doesn't make sense on the surface. And like I said, I've liked the way those moves have all worked out in the past...

So did they get the best deal? I guess I just took the long way to say "we'll have to wait and see". But to think this deal was made for any reason other than they thought it was what they needed to do, what they wanted to do, is just over thinking, and buying into the anti-Belichick sentiment that's out there...

Around here they say "In Bill we Trust", and I'm stickin' with that. He's made the right moves more often than not, and I tend to believe this is just another in a line of moves we'll understand better when we see it as part of the bigger picture. I just hope that picture starts coming into focus sooner rather than later...


Quickly on Vrabel. This was strictly business, and don't believe he doesn't have anything left in the tank. The Pats needed the cap room, and in the nature of this game of NFL roulette, this time Mike's # came up. He was a true champion for the Pats, with a versatility and a mind for the game rarely ever seen. He was a team player in ever sense of the word, and he will be dearly missed. Good luck in KC, Mike. Somethin' tells me you're gonna need it...


If you need any other news on the Pats, feel free to check out the new "Reiss' Pieces" gadget I've got locked over on the right side of my screen. There are a few new gizmos over there, so you might have to navigate a second or two, but if you've hit the half naked chicks, you've gone too far. For those of you reading this on FaceBook that are right now thinking I've lost my mind, feel free to join the rest of us @ http://www.roochnation.com/ . It shall all become clear, kemosabe...

MLB Spring Training

Finally, Manny Ramirez has re-signed with the Dodgers. So go back to your Starbucks love-in's with your fake tans and your small dogs, and go back to worrying about all of A-Roid's brothers and sisters hoppin' over the boarder, and how it's not fair that it rains 4 days out of the year...

And as for Manny's press conference comments that he "suffered" during his 8 years in Boston? Well that could be the comment that finally pushes him over the edge from oaf to idiot in the minds of a lot of fans. I know it did for me. I've always been a Manny supporter, defending him when he said stupid things and always pointing to the fact that he's always able to produce on the field. But this is too much. This just makes him sound like a whining brat, and a retard to boot...

He "suffered" for 8 years? Right. If you call making more than $150 million and winning 2 World Series all while living in the penthouse at the Ritz Carlton and peeing in the Green Monster "suffering". Oh, and let's not forget that the fans all adored him. Suffering, right. I'd put it right up there a few notches below the Holocaust, and just a touch above "The John McCain Experience". Come on, Manny. There are Arab Sheiks that thought you were a spoiled bitch up in Boston...

I see now, that what made Manny so likable to me in the past, is the same thing that's distancing me from him now. I've always respected the fact that he's never cared what the public thought of him, but to think that fans are stupid is just not a statement I'm willing to take lying down. And that's what he's doing, by telling us he was suffering and that now, in LA, he's finally free. Dude, were you paying attention the past 8 years? You were able to do basically whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, with few to no repercussions. I mean for crying out loud, it took a threat of sitting out and a fight with some old dude to finally get you out of town, man. Doesn't that say something to you?! You had a longer leash in Boston than you could ever hope for anywhere else, and you threw it all away. Because you were suffering...

Or because you wanted more money, and your beat first contract gave all the power in those last 2 years to the Sox...

Yeah, I'd say that's the real reason you pouted your way outta town, you brainless prick...

Thanks for the rings, and thanks for the memories, Manny. And be glad that we remember, because apparently you sold all your good memories on eBay right along with your cousin's grille...

Oh, and get ready for the roid rumors about you to start flowin' out of Boston. Yeah, I don't know if you heard about this when you were suffering here, but we've got quite the crew of journalists up here. They're the right mix of smart and vindictive and they are never all that pumped when a pompous primadona tells them they were douchebags to him during his Beantown tenure...

Yeah, so like I said. Good luck, buddy. Or should I say good luck to LA. Not with the upcoming season, but with going through this whole process again next year when Manny declines his option...

Then we'll see who's really suffering...


Lemme tell ya. What he lacks in proper lip pigmentation and common sense, A-Roid more than makes up for with his timing, doesn't he? I mean you really gotta hand it to the dude. In true "Brady Anderson" fashion, just weeks after being outed for roids A-Rod is on the shelf with a mysterious hip injury...

I told you this story was only gonna get better, didn't I? Ooooo and we still have the delicious book to look forward to!! I can't wait to see the t-shirts on Yawkey Way when the book outs him as a closet homosexual. Safe to say "A-Rod SUCKS Jeter" will be one the tamer ones, while extremists might opt for the "I get paid $25 mil a year to have gay sex with my cousin" tank tops with the RemDog logo over the breast...

Hey Jerry, I'm gonna want 10% of those tank top sales, brotha, and there's a carton of Reds in it for ya if you make with the quickness...


And while we're talking about things we could see coming from a million miles away through the LA smog, let's take a look at the Red Sox injury report out of Spring training...

JD Drew? Check!

Brad Penny? Check!

That is all...

I'll be on the ball with more Sox insight and my MLB predictions in the coming weeks, but for now I'm still trying to avoid the World Baseball Classic and all the other usual Spring Training non sense. I love the sport, don't get me wrong, but I'm also in the majority that thinks the Spring is way too long. When the real games get here, trust me, I'll have plenty to bitch about. So for now, just keep your pants on. Unless you're a cute single chick, in which case you should take them off, take a picture, and send it to me...

What? It's my birthday! I'm allowed to be a little crude...(that's bferruccio@gmail.com by the way)


The National Football League

How badly did the Cowboys want TO out of Dallas? Well enough to eat $9.5 mil against the cap next year for a guy that will blatantly playing for another team. That's right, nearly 8% of their $120 million salary cap figure will be going towards a guy that will more likely be "accidentally not killing himself" than he will be hauling in touchdown passes...

So what's next for this legendary malcontent? Well all signs pointed to Washington and their eccentric owner Daniel Snyder, but after shelling out big bucks to every other free agent with a pulse, it seems even they are out of loots. With them out of the running, the only other team dumb enough to toss him into the mix is probably Al Davis and his Oakland Raiders...

I hope that's the case. It would really kill two birds with one stone. Not only would the biggest problem child be on the league's most bizarre team, but it would allow ESPN to move Stephen A out to Oakland full time to live in a booth right outside Oakland Coliseum. He can take the tickets for people coming in and out of the facility, and tell them all how "flippity flap flap Quite Frankly, Terrel Owens flippity flap flap Skip Bayless flap (awkward eyebrow raise) Al Davis flap flap WHY AM I ALWAYS YELLING!?!?!"...

On second thought, just send Pedro Gomez. He's gotta be in the area coverin' Barroid, right? Slang it to him. I'm sure Al Davis just loves Mexicans...

As for TO, you better hope and pray your team doesn't pick him up. He may be talented, but he's due to accidentally take like 50 Vikes like any day now. And in failing that, he'll probably just insult your coach, your GM, and most of the players. So yeah, not worth the risk...

Prediction. TO and Michael Vick start their own sport with Mark Cuban called "Money Ball". I have no idea what the sport will entail, but I see it as some sort of American Idol meets SlamBall meets American Gladiators meets From G's to Gents meets Pros VS Joes meets Tyler Perry's: Kill These Dogs. It's fun for the whole family! Unless your white, in which case you should not be watching at all. Kinda like Tommy Hilfiger clothes, but in reverse...


Rex Ryan came to party in the Big Apple, and he's decided to bring along a few of his buddies. I mean, it's almost as if I can hear the post 9/11 hip-hop anthem "Welcome to New York City" playin' as he struts in, flanked by LB Bart Scott on one side, and instant Jet favorite S Jim Leonard on the other...


Sure Scott was the bigger ticket, but Leonard is a tough whitey guy, and you know those Teds with the fireman hats on are gonna eat that shit up. He's like the Wes Welker of defense. And while nothing is more impressive than someone that goes all out on every play, I think it's hysterical at the type of reverse-racism that goes on. It's almost like, "Hey, you guys may now make up 90% of the league, and especially all the skill positions, but we still have this guy!". Like somehow the other team is gonna lose because we have the "Neo" of the NFL's white "Zion". Yeah, I went Matrix on ya there. It's a great movie, just ask the Prime Minister of New Zeland...

If he's not around, just watch an episode of Flight of the Chonchords on HBO. Sunday nights, 10 o'clock. Or just be a pimp like me and tape it. Watch it any damn time you want...

In all seriousness though, these moves have to make Jet fans happy. At least as happy as anyone from Jersey that pretends to be from New York could feel in an absolutely ideal situation. They may still have a lot of holes to fill on offense, but they've got the makings of a defense that could be one of the elite units in the league. Pretty good strategy considering the offense that resides a few notches up I-95...

And yes, I know I just said "elite unit". And No, that's not what I call it. For starters, my guy has a title in front of his name. That's right. Be jealous, haters...


Speaking of the dynamic offense up in Foxboro, here's a picture of the rehabbing Mr. Tom Bundchen. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that on the day that combine picture was taken, he hadn't just spent the night elbow deep in an International Supermodel...

Matter of fact, it looks more like a Model T may have been elbow deep in him. I mean, I know he shouldn't be pumped to stand in front of old dudes in his underwear, but come on now...


NCAA Tournament

Just a quick note on the upcoming NCAA Tournament...

I know a lot of you are gonna be lookin' to scratch that gambling itch in the upcoming weeks by entering an NCAA Tournament pool, and I've just just the pine cone for you to rub up and down your arm...

The bracket comes out on Sunday, March 15th, and the tournament begins that following Thursday. Between those two days, come to http://www.roochnation.com/ and get all the info you need to enter a pool with a chance to win some big time $$$...

Naturally this isn't gambling, and all the proceeds will go to a worthy charity, so none of you need to worry about breaking any laws....

Oh, and I also have a sand box in Arizona that I'm about to sell on Craig's list if any of you are interested in that...


Al Gore's Greatest Hits



This is a commercial, but I feel it still applies. Now is it me, or is the drug "AcipHex", being pronounced "Ass Effects"? Hey, call me juvenile, I just think it's something the fellas in the ad department would have picked up before they sent this sucker out on National airwaves. I know every time I hear it, I look up from what I'm doing expecting to see Serenus Williams selling some sort of ass girdle or a cartoon bear running to the bathroom with his hand covering the virtual flames coming out of his ass. I'm glad that's not the case, but I still think the name choice in this instance is just a tad bit off...


She's into nuggets ya'll!...and by "nuggets", I obviously mean some sort of mix between crack coacine and a Kool dipped in cough syrup...



McNuggets McNuggets What! McNuggets McNuggets What!

That reminds me. Where the Hell is my ass can, President Charlie? Wobbly Yullllllle.....




Ahhh, a true classic. Just makes ya feel good about society in general, doesn't it? Not only that this woman exists, but that someone else took the time to add the subtitles, and now I'm taking the time to discuss it!

Truly a sad/hilarious commentary on the pathetic/brilliant group of meatbags that make up our fellow team members cruising along here on the information super highway. The Al Gore turnpike, if you will. Where you pay the toll with your imagination, and all the vehicles are pollution free...

...and every other town is full of naked chicks doing stuff in somebody's basement...


Have shit you wanna contribute to this section? Send it on down the line, pimps. I have email, and I like to laugh. So bring it on...


And with that, I'm done. I know...amazing...

Have a great weekend kids! And just be forewarned. Seeing as it's my birthday on Saturday, you're gonna owe me a drink the next time you see me. So carry some cash on you for once, you cheap bastards...

Shalom in the home...

100...

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