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Friday, February 13, 2009

The House That Juice Built...

Good afternoon my dear friends, and let me be the first to wish you a happy Friday the 13th.

I'm not so much of a superstitious man myself, but for those of you that are into that kind of thing, be careful you don't walk under any ladders today while watching Tyler Perry's House of Pain and you should be all set...

For the rest of us, there's plenty to grub on the sports menu this week, including some of your old favorites. Juice, old cheese, hot dogs, beer, and even a little Mexican dish that's sure to set your insides on fire...

Mmmmmm. Just like momma used to make...

Bon appetit...


Alex Rodriguez



Jason Giambi. Andy Pettitte. Roger Clemens. Alex Rodriguez. They're the Pin Stripers that have guided the Yankees into the new millennium, and while they haven't brought home any titles of late, they're all now bonded by something other than their Bronx address...

They're steroid users.

And with so many of his teammates having already gone in front of the steroid firing squad, Alex Rodriguez had plenty of examples of what to do, and what not to do when it came to admitting he cheated. Problem is, while most of the country seems to think A-Rod took the right course of action, I think he and super-agent Scott Boras may have inadvertently created a shit storm that could very well spell the end of A-Roid's career, and end up costing him a much deserved spot in Cooperstown. How so? Well allow me to elaborate. After all, it's what I do best!...

First off, Boras and A-Roid determined that Andy Pettitte's "come clean and move on" strategy would be the best course of action. After all, Andy's still playing, right? And when was the last time you heard anyone even mention the fact that he's an admitted steroid user? Aside from the top of this story, I'm willing to bet it wasn't all that recently. Oh and just to be clear, I lump HGH and steroids in the same group, so when I say "steroids", just assume I mean the person in question cheated by using some kind of performance enhancing drugs...

So the Pettitte strategy was the way to go. You don't want to become a martyr or a cautionary tale like Bonds or Clemens, so it's best to come clean. Only problem, is that with A-Rod, he's the only focus of this particular investigation, and a much bigger player than Andy. I mean not to sell Andy's great career short, but was it really gonna change anything in the grand scheme of things if he used roids? Nah. He's small potatoes. That, combined with the fact that people were much more interested Clemens at the time, made Andy's admission that much more effective...

For Alex, I'm afraid that strategy just aint gonna work. He's the only game in town right now, all eyes are focused squarely on him. That means more interviews, more allegations, and more witnesses coming out of the woodwork than there would be if this were a large scale investigation with a lot of other players involved. Trust me, the best thing for A-Rod right now, is for the other 103 names that are allegedly on that positive steroid test list to be released. And the sooner the better...

But as things stand today, I think the approach Alex took is going to do him nothing but harm. You think he really came completely clean this time? I sure as Hell don't. He's already proved that he's capable of lying, proved by the Katie Couric interview. And it's taken all of 48 hours for a lot of his apology to be ripped of it's credibility. Claiming reporter, Selena Roberts, was trying to break into his house? Well not according to Roberts, the security guard at Alex's gate, and least of all the area police. Hey Alex, just because this chick is coming out with a book (Hit & Run: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez) saying your a serial juicer with homosexual tendencies, doesn't mean she's a thief!

One thing's for sure. This guy is still lying, and whatever he's hiding, he's gonna be found out...

In my opinion, the only way he could have avoided the further probing and speculation, was to come out in the same interview, and ask that all his statistics, awards and salary from that span in 01-03, be taken from him. The records wiped from the books, the money given to charity. He would have sounded sincere, he would have sounded contrite, and he would have done more than enough to prevent too many entrepreneurial reporters from digging any further...

But like DeNiro says in Casino. "If they weren't so greedy, they'd be tougher to catch". By trying to feed us this shit, A-Rod thinks he can move on and people will just let him be, and to me that's just a side of greed and arrogance. Greed because he doesn't want to let go of his place in the game, and Arrogance because he still thinks he means more to baseball than baseball means to him...

Huh. Come to think of it, maybe he is taking the Clemens and Bonds strategy after all. Which is why I won't be surprised if he ends up meeting a similar fate. If not in real court, then definitely in the court of public opinion. And let's be real, that's the only court that matters in this case anyway...


Brett Favre

Almost a year ago to the day, ESPN asked, and 70% of you said you believed Brett Favre was retired for good...

In a word, you were all suckers...

And I don't wanna hear how you were one of the 30% either. If you believe the SportsNation map at the time, the 30% consisted of me, those fat bastards in Wisconsin, and probably Sports Illustrated's Peter King. I mean, he's got his tongue so far up Favre's ass he's tasting Vicodin, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt...

So do we believe Favre this time? You bet your gay Jets fire engine hat we do. Not only is it basically the 3rd time he's tried to retire (making it a charm), but he's going out in a blaze of turmoil and change surrounding the Jets that just seem to send the signal that it's time to hang 'em up. He's getting blasted on the radio, his team missed the playoffs, the coach was fired, and he just didn't have that great a season...

This time it's for real. Why? Because he's tapped, and this New York thing was the last angle he had left to play. The last pill in his bottle of tricks if you will...

He'll hang 'em up, go straight to Canton, and in the long run be remembered simply as a Packer. A guy who was a cowboy on and sometimes off the field, that gave the game everything he had, and singlehandedly carried an entire state on his shoulders. Not to mention carrying John Madden's fat ass cross the country several times in that Bloomin OnionMobile or whatever that thing is...

Like many greats, the ending wasn't scripted, and didn't go as planned. But that's OK. In time, people will forget, only to remember again how great he really was, and how unique his talents really were...

He wasn't "my" guy, but he'll be missed. Happy Trails, #4. Just don't let the urge to comeback hit you on the way out. "Then I will not forgive..." - Marlon Brando The Godfather




Spring Training

Pitchers?

Check!

Catchers?

Check!

Roid Peddlers?

Check!

Nosey reporters?

Check!


Should be a good one...


*As usual, if you wanna be down with all things Sox when it comes to Spring Training, make sure to visit Extra Bases and Boston Dirt Dogs located at the right of the page. Fan of another team? Tough shit. You'll have to find your own sites...


And Then There's These...

*So I'm talkin' with my man Frosco, whom many of you know or have come to know through my virtual scribblings, about who would disappoint us most should they be outed as a steroid user. His answers? Well, to be honest I can't really remember. But my answers were Greg Maddux, Ricky Henderson, Ken Griffey Jr., and Roberto Alomar. Maddux being outed would force me to believe anyone and everyone was dirty, but the other 3 I could believe. It would crush me as badly as any of these announcements could, but I would believe it...

Then, not even 24 hours after having a conversation about a guy whose name probably comes up 2-3 times a year, this bombshell drops...

Ex Files Suit That Says Alomar Has AIDS: http://www.thestar.com/Sports/article/586317

In this day and age, I couldn't help but have my mind move right to needles/steroids as the cause, but I was wrong. And after finding out the "real" reason, according to the girlfriend, I couldn't help but wish that a needle was the least of the foreign objects that were being forcibly shoved in his ass...

New Mexican ass rape? Say it aint so, Robbie. Say it aint so...

PS - I easily could have ended that story with a mention of the sexual act known as the "Houdini", but I decided any reference to spitting on someone just wouldn't be all that appropriate. I gotta retain some class, right?


*Back to A-Rod real quick. What was the deal with Peter Gammons basically giving him a pass in that exclusive interview? There were no follow up questions of note at all, and at every turn Peter just sat there and took Alex for his word. Could it be that Boston's long time Commish has finally gone soft in his old age? I hope that's not the case. I mean, I know Peter has long admired Alex, and that could have been the reason he didn't go balls out, but if that's how you feel then don't accept the job in the first place! Geez, Petey. We as die hard baseball fans expected more from ya...


*Former Eagles WR, notorious blabbermouth, and later middle school substitute, Freddie Mitchell, got in some trouble this week when he signed for a package containing 7 pounds of marijuana. Smart, man. Real smart...

And remember how he said "thank God for my hands" during Philly's run to the '05 Super Bowl? Well I say it takes about 5 minutes for some huge dude named "Sweet Maurice" to ask to see how great those hands really are once he hits the federal pen...

Now gimmie your cocktail.....fruit!!!


*Best stat I've heard in quite some time:

The North Carolina Tar Heels men's basketball team is 2-0 on days in which Brett Favre announces his retirement.

Nice sense of humor, ESPN. Now if only you could do somethin' about how the boom mic picks up on the sound Dan Jacobsen's thighs make while she waddles to and from Skip Bayless' little table. It's like a piece of sand paper fighting with a honey glazed ham...


*Remember how all the dopes in the media said Jason Varitek turning down arbitration cost him $10 million, and how I said that wasn't the case? Well, check it out kids. If Varitek was definitely gonna make at least $10 million, then explain this...

Uggla Awarded $5.35 mil in Arbitration: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3902735

The Marlins had a #, Uggla and his people had a #, and the arbitrator was forced to chose one. Plain and simple.

So again. Jason Varitek wasn't promised shit by going to arbitration, and it's this type of gross negligence that makes the normal fan sound like a complete tardzilla...


*When Sirius and XM introduced their satellite radio product to the world, I was one of the precious few who just didn't get it. Radio without ads? That's like Serena Williams giving birth. I just didn't see any way it was physically possible. Turns out, maybe I wasn't as crazy as I seemed...

XM/Sirius Could Be Fucked:
http://money.cnn.com/2009/02/11/markets/thebuzz/index.htm?cnn=yes


*Only in a year when an African American was elected President of the United States, could someone like Tyler Perry get away with something like this...

What? I know racism isn't cool, but when you dangle a piece of raw meat in front of a snarling dog like myself, don't be upset/surprised when that rabid beast takes a vicious bite. A TV show about a black family called Meet the Browns? Really??? Isn't that considered baiting or something? It's just too easy to make fun of, is what it is. And it turns out I;m just not mature enough to let thie golden ticket slip through my fingers...

Check out my ideas for the next TBS family sticom...

Coming to TV near you. John Rocker's: Meet the White's. Starring Tom Sizemore, as Mr. White. A lovable yet flawed man who makes a living as a queer chaser and beater...

OR

Geoge Lopez Presents: Meet the Beaners. Cheech Marin stars as Taco Gonzalez, a Mexican immigrant turned border patrol agent who oddly enough, now hates Mexicans...

They sure sound like winners to be! Sign me up, TBS. I'll be sitting here waiting for you to dump that truck full of loot in my driveway, just like you did for Perry's untalented ass...

Freakin frauds make me wanna puke...from disgust though, not from a stomach virus or from too much booze...


Al Gore's Greatest Hits

Slow week on the web, at least for me, so I decided to go with a classic. A&E recently started airing the last season of the Sopranos again on Sunday nights, and I figure what better way to get into the spirit, than to relive the final scene that had all of us talking the next day at the water cooler.

Don't stop!....





Oh, and I forgot about these Teds. They may have too much time on their hands, but I'll be damned if they don't make this shit look smooth...






So there you have it.

We laughed, we cried, I made a few off color remarks. All things considered you should have really enjoyed yourself and had a pretty good time...



And speaking of off color jokes. If you really can't get enough of yours truly, boy do I have a treat in store for you. For those of you that will be stuck working President's Day this Monday, make sure to tune your radio to 790 AM on your way to work between 6-10 AM, and catch me doing local news updates on Imus in the Morning. NO, I won't be with Imus, or even in the same state, but I'll be dishing out the local Rhode Island news in between the old man's rants. It'll be my maiden voyage doing news, so while there may be a few bumps in the road, you don't wanna miss out on the ground floor. It's just another step on the ladder baby, as I move my way to the top rung by rung...

(those of you who might want to try and listen on the web, just go to http://trueoldies790.com/)

And all without the use of performance enhancers. Imagine that...


Have a great weekend kids, and a special Happy Valentines to all the lovers out there. Me, I've been told I'm a hater, so I'll be drinking beer...

Get some...

100...

1 comments:

Steve said...

You recently commented on "The House That Juice Built" t-shirts and the Yankees opposing it. Just for anyone who is interested the original "the House That Juice Built" t-shirt can be found at www.IETPROD.com
The other shirt that has been posted is someone else's poorly designed copy of my shirt. Thank you Steve Lore

Visit at www.IETPROD.com

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