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Monday, February 02, 2009

College Hoops Top 25 (2/2): Bowls, Bongs, Jugs & History...


Welcome, my charismatic brethren. And Happy Groundhog Day to you all...

If you've come in search of a recap of last night's madness, alas you've come to the wrong place. That is to say, you've come to the right place, you've just arrived at the wrong time...

I'll have a complete breakdown of my thoughts on the Super Bowl on Friday, answering questions like "How on Earth is Kordell Stewart still so God damn fast?". AND "Has Barack Obama's post game call to Mike Tomlin replaced Michael Jackson taking Brooke Shields to the Grammy's as the greatest moment for African Americans in sports and entertainment?"...

Eddie Murphy probably doesn't think so, but I say you combined the fact that the call came on the 1st day of Black History Month, and we might have ourselves a new leader in the clubhouse...

I'm jesting, of course, but there is some serious business at hand. IF it's Monday in the Nation, then it's time for the latest edition of my College Hoops Top 25. So allow me to unveil...

Get some...


Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25

1. Pittsburgh (19-2) 1

Before you go ahead and accuse me of being a stubborn bastard, just hear me out...

I understand that 2 Pitt losses in 2 weeks don't exactly scream "#1", but with no clear cut #1 in the field, I've decided to stick with my guns for one more week...

...or at least until the end of the Louisville/UCONN game...


2. UCONN (20-1) 2

3. North Carolina (19-2) 3

Never thought I'd have to say this, but make sure you don't sleep on the Heels...


4. Louisville (17-3) 4

This week's #4. Next week's #1?

You know what they have to do...

5. Marquette (19-2) 7

The Marquette Golden Eagles: They're as high as Michael Phelps!...

And we don't even have to see their junk in a spandex man purse! That's a win freaking win, baby!...

6. UCLA (17-4) 12

The Bruins would earn the high riser of the week award, if I had such a Teddish award to give out, mostly thanks to an impressive spike in their eye-ball-test-o-meter. It's not so much the wins over Cal and Stanford that are doin' it for me, it's the performances of guys like Alfred Aboya, Jrue Holiday, and Josh Shipp. This team is really starting to gel, and with Darren Collison the picture of calm at the point, they're gonna be one tough out from here on in...

Oh, and junior F Nikola Dragovic averaging nearly 12 points a game over his last 8 isn't exactly hurting the cause either...

7. Oklahoma (21-1) 6

Hate to say I told ya so, but my pre season Player of the Year, Blake Griffin, is looking pretty damn good right now. At 22 point and 14 rebounds a game, only Notre Dame's Luke Harangody is even coming close to matching his nightly out put. And seeing that ND can't win a big game to save their God fearing lives, I think that puts Griffin at the front of the pack as the Nation's most dominant force...

8. Duke (19-2) 5

In the world of sports cinema, the "bad team" usually takes on one of two forms...

1) Tough Guys: Straight out the the USSR Hockey/Alien team from Space Jam mold, this team is just way bigger, meaner, and stronger than you thought it was humanly possible for anyone to be.

2) Pricks: These guys think you suck. They do things right, you do things wrong. They're rich kids with sweaters tied around their necks, blond girlfriends, and you're a poor bum with flannel shirts and the pouty brunette. Sure he ends up being a sexpot, but right now she's just a nerdy introvert with that patented ponytail and denim overalls. They think their shit doesn't stink, and the mere thought of you beating them makes them question their value system...


The Dukies are the latter. That's why I love to watch them lose...

Smarmy bastards...


9. Wake Forest (17-2) 8

...but hey, at least I'm consistent. Wake holds court by 2 against the Dukies, yet remains just behind the Blue Devils in the rankings.

Method. Meet madness...

10. Arizona St (16-5) 9

11. Michigan St. (17-4) 11

12. Xavier (19-2) 16

13. Gonzaga (16-4) 19

Don't look now, but all the Zags needed to regain their confidence was a little WCC home cookin'. Their 7-0 in league play, and have erased all doubt about the conference power structure...

14. Villanova (17-4) 21

No team has reaped the benefit of the Georgetown/Syracuse decline better than Jay Wright's Villanova Wildcats.

15. Kentucky (16-6) 13

A lot like Pittsburgh. They might not have had the best week, but nothing they did made me rethink my opinion of them...

16. Texas (15-5) 10

The Big XII's version of Georgetown, Rick Barnes and his Longhorns better hope they don't experience a Bill Murray like relapse...

17. Butler (19-1) 17

18. Washington (16-5) 18

19. Davidson (18-3) 20

20. Syracuse (17-5) 14

I said it at the beginning of the season...

The Orange are only going to be able to compete when all of their role players are healthy and contributing. With Rautins and Onuaku hurt, this year's team is beginning to look a lot like last year's team. Just replace Donte Green, with Johnny Flynn. I know Flynn was on the team too, but if you can't figure out what I meant then it's not all that important to you anyway...

21. Kansas (17-4) 25

22. Purdue (17-4) 23

Big 10 Basketball: Helping you change the channel on Saturday afternoons since you knew how to use the remote...

Talk about watching paint dry...

23. Louisiana State University (17-4) NR

I just like saying their full name. It throws people for a loop and makes them think they might not know something that they actually do...

Example:

Random Friend: "Rooch, what school did this guy go to?"

Me: "Louisiana State University"

Random Friend: "Oh, that's right. I knew it was one of those random mid major squads."

See. I'm just an ass hole. That's all it is...


24. Memphis (18-3) NR

Ay-Oh! I'm coachin' here!

#1 paisan John Calipari has his Tigers right where he likes them to me. Very talented, very underrated, and with a lanky big man who blocks shots and where's a t-shirt under his jersey. Oh wait, the guy that used to where the t-shirt never played for coach Cal according to NCAA history altering sanctions...

Ay-Oh!...

25. St. Mary's (18-3) 15

The St. Mary's Gaels get my "Jessica Simpson Award" this week, for falling faster and harder than the blonde's boobs in the presence of gravity...

If I were her knees, I'd either run for cover or get ready for some foreplay...




It was tough going at the end of the poll this week with at least 15 more teams knocking at the door. Heck, even Clemson managed to squeeze into the top 40 thanks to a nice road win last week against Virginia Tech...

just missed: USC; Illinois; UNLV; Tennessee; Florida; South Carolina; Dayton; Georgetown; West Virginia; Notre Dame; Texas A&M; Siena: Utah St.; Portland; Clemson

dropped: (22) Georgetown; (24) West Virginia


AP & USA Today/ESPN Top 25

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/rankings


Conference Power Rankings
1. Big East 1

2. Pac 10 2

3. ACC 3

4. SEC 5

5. Big 10 7

6. Big XII 4

7. Mountain West 8

8. Atlantic 10 10

9. West Coast Conference 5

10. WAC 9



Watch some TV this week for a change...

This Week's Slate

2/2
UCONN @ Louisville (ESPN 7 pm)
Butler @ Wisconsin-Green Bay
Kansas @ Baylor (ESPN 9 pm)


2/3
South Carolina @ Florida (ESPN 9 pm)
Mississippi St. @ Kentucky
Purdue @ Ohio St. (ESPN 7 pm)
San Diego St. @ UNLV


2/4
West Virginia @ Syracuse (ESPN 7 pm)
USC @ UCLA
Duke @ Clemson (ESPN 9 pm)
Minnesota @ Michigan St.
Texas A&M @ Oklahoma
Missouri @ Texas (ESPN 2 9:30 pm)
Wake Forest @ Miami (FL) (ESPN 2 7:30 pm)
Villanova @ Providence


2/5
Washington @ California
Temple @ Xavier
Illinois @ Wisconsin (ESPN 2 9 pm)
Gonzaga @ Portland (ESPN 2 11 pm)


2/6
Brown @ Dartmouth

*February 2nd, 2009. Mark it down here and now. The Ivy League might be a bunch of short nerds with great fundamentals, but the Cornell Big Red will make a 2 or 3 seed sweat in the 1st round of the tourney...


2/7
Notre Dame @ UCLA (CBS 1 pm)
Syracuse @ Villanova (ESPN 12 pm)
Memphis @ Gonzaga (ESPN 9 pm)
Oklahoma St. @ Kansas (ABC 3:30 pm)
Kansas St. @ Texas A&M
Providence @ West Virginia
Florida St. @ Clemson
Xavier @ Duquesne
Minnesota @ Ohio St.
Arizona St. @ Oregon St.


2/8
Purdue @ Illinois (CBS 1 pm)
Boston College @ Wake Forest
URI @ Temple
Creighton @ Northern Iowa


Player of the Week

Craig Robinson, Oregon St.

Robinson might be the coach of the Beavers, but seeing as he was a former Ivy League Player of the Year at Princeton, I think he qualifies for Player of the Week. The last 2 weeks, actually...

Brother to Michelle Obama, and now brother in law to the most powerful man on the planet, the recent success of the former Brown University coach should have both Republicans and Obama-haters alike fearing that the end of the world might soon be near...

Since the inauguration, Robinson's boys are 4-0, including a recent 3 point win over Oregon in the rivalry dubbed (gulp), the Civil War...

First Barack calls Tomlin, and now Craig Robinson is blazing through the Pac 10? Talk about a great start to an already historic month! Now all we need is for Tiger Woods to cure AIDS, and hunt down Osama bin Laden, and this could be the best black history month ever!!

Ha!. But seriously. I worked a little with Robinson on his coaches show when he was the head man at Brown these past few seasons, and he's a great guy that deserves all the future success he no doubt has coming his way...



And with that, I'm done for the day...

Hope you've enjoyed this week's installment, and I'll catch you Friday with the Super recap, news on the Red Sox, and oh so much more. Including my theories on where Michael Phelps might have purchased his gang, and what Tony Romo might be doing to make practical use out of his gf's constantly growing mammories...

Until then, this is Brett Ferruccio saying "If you see me out in public, please let me be"...

100...

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