NFL Week 9 Picks

Greetings boys and girls, and Happy Halloween. Here are this week's picks, hot off the presses. And while I won't be dropping my pants like Mike Singeltary and showing you my ass, I'd like to think the pack of gems you're about to lay your eyes on will in some way be just as sweet...

Week 9 Picks

New England Patriots (+5.5) @ Indianapolis Colts

A mere two months ago, this game was marked on calenders. For two fan bases that didn't expect their teams to lose more than 2-3 games, this one could be THE one to decide the post season pecking order...

If you had told me the team with the best record going into this was 5-2, I wouldn't have believed you. If you told me neither team had a completely healthy quarterback, I wouldn't have believed you. And if you told me that one of these teams would need a win just to get to .500? Well then I would have flat out accused you of being difficult, with the sole purpose of starting some sort of nonsensical, fact-less argument...

But in real life, sometimes shit happens. Sometimes. Well sometimes stories have an interesting way of writing themselves...

Now, the match up once figured to be two heavyweights slugging it out, is now serving as more of a test for two teams hoovering very much so on the brink. Granted the Patriots are sitting pretty at 5-2, but any fan that tells you that they still have great confidence in this team's ability, is more or less just putting on a brave face...

The good news, is that while the secondary is still suspect, and the passing game is still rounding into form, the defensive line and the front 7 have general have re-emerged as a serious force. Tom Brady may be gone, but a lot of the traits that helped guide the Pats to 3 Super Bowls are again starting to become strengths. That's what their gonna need with a "limited" Matt Cassel at the helm, at the great play of the defense is the reason they aren't floundering at 3-4 like the Boys in Indy...

Then you have the Colts. They may not have lost their star QB to injury, but what they lack in one huge injury, they more than make up for with their plethora of nicks and dings. Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne aren't close to 100%. They've suffered numerous injuries along the o-line. CB Marlin Jackson is now out for the season with a leg injury. Dallas Clark only recently got back to near his full capacity. And both Joseph Addai and safety Bob Sanders are attempting to recover from mid season injuries that has caused both of them to miss some significant time...

Even for the all mighty Colts, that's a lot to overcome...

Chicago Bears (-13) vs Detroit Lions

The Lions suck, and the Bears are coming off a bye week. Done and done...

Oh, and word on the street is they spent the time off designing a lot of direct snap and trick plays for superfreak, Devin Hester. Just hearing that gives me the mental image of a dude teasing a dog with a Frisbee or a tennis ball. You know? When he keeps pretending to throw it, but never actually does. But the dog keeps turning to run for it anyway? Yeah, this game could look an awful lot like that...


Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-8.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs

Last week the Chiefs were able to hang with the Jets thanks to some timely gifts from one, Brett Favre. This week, I don't expect the Bucs to be as charitable. Only Tennessee and Chicago have forced more turnovers than Tampa Bay's 15, and while Tyler Thigpen has only turned the ball over 4 times himself, I don't like his chances against the non stop pressure. There are just a few defensive coordinators that salivate when they see a young QB come their way, and the Bucs Monte Kiffin is one of them. His son may have gotten the axe, but unfortunately for Herm Edwards and the Chefs, Monte is still runnin' strong...

Oh, and I'd mention that the Bucs turn it over a lot, and the Chiefs cause a lot of turnovers, but that really doesn't help my argument now, does it?...

Nah, but seriously. Tampa gots...

Denver Broncos (-3) vs Miami Dolphins

The Denver defense sucks. This much we know...

Lucky for them, if all goes to plan, they won't even need it for this weekends game with the Phins. Miami's 25th ranked pass defense is gonna serve as target practice for the bye week fresh Jay Cutler and the Bronco passing attack...

So not only will Denver win this thing, but they'll win it by scoring an ass load of points. I see 4 TDs for Cutler, spread around to Scheffler, Marshall and Royal, and I see a lot of highlights featuring the backs of both those aforementioned receivers, and the Miami Dolphin defensive backs...

Oakland Raiders vs Atlanta Falcons OVER 40.5

Neither team can stop the run (ranked 23rd and 26th), and neither team can stop the pass (ranked 19th and 24th). As long as the Oakland offense doesn't get in the way, I think this over/under should be a cinch...

And hey, if Oakland really decides not to show up, Matty Heisman and the Dirty Birds should have no problem droppin' that 40 spot all on their own...

Philadelphia Eagles (-6.5) @ Seattle Seahawks

There was once a time when the Seahawks were one of the most feared home teams in all the NFL...

That time has passed...

ENTER: Seneca Wallace. He's got a better shot of making a cameo with Kenny Mayne in a future episode of the "Mayne Event" then he has this week against the blitzing Eagles. Sure his scrambling ability could open up plays for his wide outs, but seeing as he doesn't have any legit wide outs to actually throw to, then I'm not so sure how big of an advantage that's gonna turn out to be...

New York Giants (-9) vs Dallas Cowboys

Call this one a guilty pleasure, because it's simply out of morbid curiosity that I'm picking the Giants to cover. Brad Johnson or no Brad Johnson, heads will roll in Big D should the G-Men lay the smack down, and I for one am pumped as all Hell to view the no doubt hysterical fall out...

Hey, Jason Garrett. Getcha popcorn ready, buddy. Jerry's about to use one arm to bitch slap Wade Phillips' gullet, and the other to confidently tap you on the shoulder. From Aikman's do-boy to the prodigal son of America's Team. Time to get 'er done, PADNAH!...


Here are the rest of this weeks picks. And I swear, there were like 2-3 games on this list that I was "this" close to sneaking into my top picks. As we know from weeks past, that's either a really good thing, or a really bad thing. Just throwin it out there...



Green Bay Packers (+6) vs Tennessee Titans

Cleveland Browns (-1) vs Baltimore Ravens

New York Jets (+6) @ Buffalo Bills

Cincinnati Bengals (+7.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

St. Louis Rams (+3) vs Arizona Cardinals

Minnesota Vikings (-4) vs Houston Texans



Monday Night
Pittsburgh Steelers (+2.5) @ Washington Redskins

Two things will happen in this game...

1) Jason Campbell will throw his 1st interception of the season.

AND

2) Ben Roethlisberger will throw at least 2 touchdown passes of 20 yards or more.


This game could go a long way towards legitimizing Campbell and the Skins, but I feel their still just a notch below an elite team like the Pittsburgh Steelers. I don't see this as a blowout, but I also don't see the score accurately reflecting the the actual pace of the game. Pittsburgh will sprint out to the early lead, and hold on for a win in the 21-16 range. Get some...



Last Week: 6-8-0

Overall: 64-49-3 (.565

Top Picks: 26-18-1 (.589)

I guess I don't have definitive proof of this fact, but I'm gonna go ahead and make the assumption anyway...

If people in Florida and Texas had it their way, Yankees like you and I would never be anywhere near their sacred temple known as college football. We wouldn't care about results. We wouldn't weigh in on the rankings. And we sure as Hell wouldn't have any of our "non-slave-lovin'" teams anywhere within a corn cob pipe of the top of the National Polls...

Well, fellow Northerners. This week the hicks get their wish. Two of the biggest games to hit the South since movable type take center stage on this weekend's slate, with all four teams hailing from the South, and both games being played on good ole Southern soil. It's Florida/Georgia in the "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party", and Texas v Texas Tech in a top 6 shootout that could easily put any over/under # to shame. The winners of these games will rocket themselves to the top of the National Championship mountain, while the losers will be left scrambling and hoping that the teams they just lost to lay an egg in the seasons few remaining weeks. Gotta love the BCS...

So catch the action, baby! It's gonna be bigger than Charlie Daniels at a lone star square dance!...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(6) Texas Tech (+5) vs (1) Texas

(2) Alabama (-23) vs Arkansas St.

(4) Oklahoma (-22) vs Nebraska

(5) Florida (-5.5) vs (8) Georgia (in Jacksonville, FL)

(7) USC (-44) vs Washington

(9) Oklahoma St. (-30.5) vs Iowa St.

(10) Utah (-7.5) @ New Mexico

(11) Boise St. (-20.5) @ New Mexico St.

UNLV (+14.5) vs (12) TCU

(14) Missouri (-20) @ Baylor

(15) LSU (-25) vs Tulane

(16) Florida St. (+2.5) @ Georgia Tech

(17) BYU (-14.5) @ Colorado St.

Arkansas (+7.5) vs (19) Tulsa

Northwestern (+7) @ (20) Minnesota

(22) Michigan St. (-4) vs Wisconsin

California (-3) vs (23) Oregon



Last Week: 10-8-1

Overall: 93-62-4 (.597)


And that's it, kids. Hope you all have a great weekend and a Happy Halloween. I'll be back next week with the NBA, college hoops, fantasy football and all things Manny Ramirez. So make sure you check back. Ya know, once you've managed to eliminate the candy corn crater that's clogging up your colon. Bet you never thought you'd be seeing that kind of corn in the bathroom now did ya??

Ha! Trick or treat bitches! I'm ghost!...

Ha, again!

....nah that last one was gay. Peace in the middle...