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Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Lackey "Angels Still Better Team" - Rooch "Lackey Still Looks Like a Horse"

Good afternoon, all...

I'm a little late in posting this week, but you can chalk that up to a late Monday night. I had to stay up and watch Reggie Bush grab a win for my fantasy team with his dazzling punt returns, and of course I had to stay up and watch the Sox capture their 2nd consecutive World Series title...



Wait. You're tellin' me that was just the ALDS? Hmmm. Sure was a lotta champagne being sprayed then, wasn't there?

Hey, listen. I'm not trying to hate on the win, or say you can't celebrate, I'm just a big fan of acting like you've been there before. That's not to say you can't celebrate. Especially after such an emotional end to the series, but it's just never sat right with me. You wanna pop corks after you win the division or make/win the ALCS or World Series? That's chill with me. But if you keep celebrating like that at every single milestone, then not only will it take away from the actual World Series celebration, but it's bound to get your priorities a little mixed up...

As for how the win over the Angels actually made me feel about the Sox chances of popping more champagne, I have to say I came away rather encouraged. May seem like a pretty obvious statement, seeing as they won, but as is usually the case, it was the way the got the job done that made me slightly alter my thinking...

With the absence of Manny, the injury to Mike Lowell and the continued struggles of Dustin "El Caballito" Pedroia, I was worried that there wouldn't be enough guys to deliver the big hits. Well thanks to Jason Bay, Led Lowrie and of course (cough) my main man JD Drew, the Red Guys passed that test with flying colors. When it came to the starters, I was worried that the absence of a healthy Josh Beckett would give the Angels a distinct advantage. Well thanks to Jon "The New Ace" Lester, the Sox never lost their #1 starter, and were able to ride his two nasty starts to an easy 3-1 series win. My last worry, was the bullpen. Last season Okajima and Papelbon oozed confidence coming into October, but this year the absence of a reliable set up guy really had me concerned. Enter Justin Masterson. While he was shaky in helping to sew up game 4, he's stepped forward as the bridge to pap. Combine that with longer outings from the starters, and the games are becoming mighty short for the oppositions offense. I'm a little worried that all the action Masterson saw in this series might cost him a little bit down the road, but 3 days off is a mighty long time to help refuel that wing...

All 'n all, everything that needed to go right, did. And in cases like that, you usually come out the winner...

And as for John Lackey's claim that "the better team lost" this series? I have to respectfully disagree. Just like the better team didn't lose the Super Bowl, the better team was the one who came out on top in this year's ALDS. No one was a bigger fan of what the Angels did during this regular season than I was, but when it comes to who's better, there's a pretty fool proof way to figure it out and that's playing each other. Whoever wins, especially in a series of games, they're the better team. End of discussion...

It's simple math there, Johnny Boy. But I guess it still might be a little hard to understand for a guy who looks like a horse, and talks like a 12 year old girl with a severe helium addiction...

Have a good winter, you Barbaro lookin' fool...


So now it's on to the Rays. Who'd a thunk it, huh? I still won't believe it til I see it, but rest assured I'll have a full series breakdown right here on Friday, so make sure you come check it out...

The NFL and the ALCS. Sweet, sweet, candy my friends. And I can't freakin' wait...

But now it's on the rest of the MLB playoff action. And what could be any better than a possible Boston showdon with Manny Ramirez and the Dodgers. Well, thanks to the hapless Cubs, we're one step closer to the madness...



NL Playoff Update
Good news! The Cubbies have been ceremoniously swept out of the playoffs! Now their fans can continue to wallow in their own shitty existence, and the rest of the sports world can stop hearing all their "tales of woe" re-run 50 times an hour on SportsCenter. Just like nobody cared about Boston's slef imposed curse, nobody cares about yours. And let me know the next time you actually come close to winnin' somethin', then I'll actually believe your team is snake bitten. Bartman? You were gonna lose that shit anyway and you know it. Please. Making the playoffs once every couple years and getting waxed in the 1st round doesn't make you look cursed, it makes you look poorly managed...



You need Mark Cuban, you need him now, and you need to stop all this whining. You got punched in the face by the Dodger offense, ran into a scorching hot Derek Lowe, and played defense as if the ball was coated in Harry Carey's frozen semen. Just like the Angels, your team was built for the regular season, and that's why it failed. And if you all stepped away from your disgusting deep dish pizza for 10 seconds and figured that out, then maybe you could do us all a favor and finally win one. That's what we want, man, just like the people that hated the Sox. Finally get a win, so you can shut those people up...

So I'm beggin you. Bring in the Cube. He'll get it done. And we can all go back to just hating on you because you consider swimming in Lake Michigan, "going to the beach". But hey, that's what I've come to expect from a place closer to NY than LA, that refers to itself as the MidWest. Assbackward meth smokers...


So now with the Cubbies and Brew Crew out of the way, the Dodgers and Phillies take center stage in the NLCS. Just like the AL, I think the league's two best and two hottest teams are deservedly going to battle it out. Who do I think is gonna take it? Well I've had the Phillies since I made my pre season picks so I'm again choosing to stick to my guns...

And even though the series gets underway on Thursday, I'll make sure to break that down on Friday as well. I'm sure with game 1 in the books I'll have a better shot at predicting the winner anyway...



Patriots Update
Last Week: New England Patriots 30 San Fransisco 49ers 21

Overall: 3-1, 2nd in AFC East


Solid win this week for the Pats. It's nice to know that at least for now, it looks as if there are still certain teams we can still feel comfortable about beating. Here are a few notes from the game...


-"I think the honeymoon is over". His words, not mine. Heard right here, by your man, through my ears and into my computer-like brain. Spoken? By Laurence Maroney. And to quote Morgan Freeman in the classic thriller, Se7en; "For the first time ever, you and I are in total agreement."

The quote was taken from a conversation I witnessed between Maroney and a friend of mine at one of my frequent social outings, and it was used to reference the fact that he felt healthy, but was indeed not even going to dress for that week's game against the Dolphins. Why? Well Laurence himself didn't let on that he knew the answer, so allow me to supply it...

You're dancin' around too much, man! Get the ball, hit the hole, and people will be happy! Fans like what it appears you're capable of, but they're also big fans of results. Ya know, yards? From scrimmage? Everyone loves the fact that you're elusive and at any time can bust a big play, but we're also looking for you to be that every down back that we thought we drafted. Your big runs are great, but it's stat lines like this week's

Unfortunately, whether you want to look at the team's actions, or listen to Laurence talk himself, it looks like as LoMo himself put it "they're over me, over there". It could be the end of an era that never really started, and will for sure be cause of much discussion should he actually get benched, or at some point in the off season, be given his outright release...


-As much as I usually like to hate on Matt Light, I gotta give him props for his week 5 performance. I always keep a critical eye on him, seeing as I've never agreed that he's half as good as people think, and this week he really stepped up. Not that San Fran had this wicked defense or anything, but it's been a long time, no matter the opponent, that I've had anything positive to say about a performance by Light. So this is a start...


-Matt Cassel played well, but I didn't think we were gonna learn much about him from this game to begin with. With the bye under his belt and a Belichich bye week gameplan in his hands, the only thing that would have surprised me is a disastrous performance. We didn't get that, and he actually through the ball OK, so you can't really complain. I'd like to see him throw the ball a way a little quicker rather than holding onto it for so long, but I gotta think that's something that's gonna come more naturally with more experience. Overall, he was right where we needed him to be to comfotably win a game against a mediocre team like the Niners...


-And to update a topic of discussion from last week, the jury is still out on the Sox vs the Pats. People seemed to respond well after this week's win, but I've decided we won't be able to really judge the post-Brady fallout until the Sox have wrapped up their latest post season run. I'm still of the opinion that the "pink hats" have already jumped off the Patriots bandwagon faster than you can say CBS Scene, but I'm smart enough to realize that it's still just a little too soon to tell. Besides, another winning streak, and the quietest football fans in the Nation may actually start to forget about a certain #12 and his super model girlfriend...


Tackle Box
John Madden, gotta love 'em. And ever since the guy has been the voice for "Football Night In America", he's taken his man love for all things quarterback, to the next freaking level...


At first, it looked as if Madden's man crush was limited to Brett Favre, but if these last two weeks are any indication, he's just Hell bent on trying to fill a certain void in his life with the grittiest, hungriest and most of all, whitest quarterbacks the NFL has to offer. He's already flapped his gullet about Tony Romo and Aaron Rodgers, and this week he took time out to Daryle some Bloomin' Onion juice over Pittsburgh Steeler QB, Ben Roethlisberger. Is it that theses guys are white? Is it that Johnny boy is a little jealous he didn't get to coach them? OR is it simply the fact that these guys all remind the head coach at EA Sports of a younger version of his favorite #4? Whatever the reason, between his teenage girl-like gushing, and his steadily deteriorating linguistic skills, the whole gig seems a Romo-Favre showdown away from turning into the first ever decent Frank Caliendo sketch. Lord knows that guy could use 'em, too. I swear I saw him doing his Jerry Seinfeld impression the other day, but for some reason he was wearing black face. I mean, I know Jerry is Jewish and everything, but I'm pretty sure that had to have been a mistake. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

So in closing. Half the grass is real, and half the grass is fake. But Brett Favre, Ben Rothlisberger, Tony Romo and Aaron Rodgers? Well, they're all REAL, baby!..



Gotta love the Juice being back on the front pages these days, huh? Finally headed to the slammer for God knows how long for trying to snipe back his own memorabilia. And it's reassuring as Hell, isn't it? I mean we all know he sliced up Ron and Nicole, so it just makes us feel a little safer knowing that he may yet actually be punished for his heinous crime...


I love ho Karma took him down, though. Just follow the trail. I promise it goes nowhere near Kate Kaelin....



1) He "kills" his ex wife and her man..."allegedly"

2) He spends all his loots defending himself.

3) The glove didn't fit, Mark Fuhrman was a racist, blah, blah blah.

4) The 12 biggest tards in the universe let him walk. One of whom later admitted he still had no idea what all that DNA evidence was. Talk about a jury of his peers!...

5) He's free, but he's broke. No more football money. No more movie money. And no more Hertz rent-a-whip money...

6) He sells all his prize possessions to pay his debts.

7) Wants to get some of his shit back, so he tries to rob it from a guy at gunpoint.

8) Gets thrown in the clink for trying to rob back the shit he had to sell.



Karma, baby. Good to see it's alive 'n well. First the Cubs and now the Juice.

This type of universal harmony can only spell bad things for Al Davis...



And last but not least, we have Mr. Kurt Warner. Just minutes after last week's loss to the Jets, Warner called his wife and told her he was ready to retire. Not because his skills are greatly diminished, which would have been a fine reason, but because he felt responsible for nearly ending the career of WR Anquan Boldin...


Listen, Kurt. It's football, man. I know you love Jesus 'n everything. And I'm sure he loves you too. But you had to know getting into this game that there was an inherent risk that you or one of your teammates could really get hurt. I mean, do you just not watch TV or somethin'? Because what happened to Boldin happens like once every 2 weeks to somebody, doesn't it? Geez. Pull yourself together, man!..


And by "pull yourself together", I mean retire. You're old, and you've obviously crossed the threshold and have become a woman. Thanks for the Greatest Show on Turf. Thanks for "mentoring" Eli. But now it's time to go. And don't let Matt Leinhart's limo hit you on your way out...



Now onto my picks from the weekend. I cooled off a little bit, but any week above .500 is a good one in my book. Besides, I did go 4 for 4 in my MLB Division Series picks, so that's gotta count for somethin'...

My Picks

Last Week: 7-5-2 (Top Picks: 4-1-1)

Overall: 40-30-2 (.577)

Top Picks: 17-8-1 (.673)


NCAA Picks
Last Week: 8-8-0

Overall: 64-40-2 (.613)


And a just a few other things to round out the week...


News and Notes


The NHL season opened this week...in the Czech Republic! Has me thinkin' that maybe people are actually starting to listen to me.


Get your sport, your dirty Euro's, and your toothless Canucks off my continent. As the picture clearly indicates. Hockey is for dudes that like other dudes...in an intensely romantic way. Not that there's anything wrong with that! But not on ice. That's just creepy...


And seeing as last week I gave you some shows to keep an eye on, I figure I have to let you know how I liked this week's installments. Keep in mind that these are all shows I really like, I'm a severely tough grader, and I'm only judging these shows against their own past excellence. Enjoy...

Family Guy: Hasn't everybody heard? You know, about the word? Well if you haven', then you missed this weeks episode. If you have heard, then you'd probably agree with this grade for Seth MacFarlane's latest glimpse into the life of Rhode Island's favorite animated family...B+

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Solid episode, but it probably would have made for a better hour had Mac and Charlie actually died...C+

King of the Hill: Probably the thing I like the most about this show is it's consistency. There won't be those episodes that have you in stitches, but there isn't likely to be one that leaves you all that disappointed either...B

Mad Men: There are two types of episodes on Mad Men. Those that set shit up, and those that knock shit down. This one was one of the former, so while it wasn't amazing, it's done a good job of setting the table for some future drama...B

Entourage: It's one thing to take mushrooms, and it's another to watch people taking them. One of them is funny, and one of them isn't. Good episode for Ari, though...C+

Gotta love DVR. Waaaaay mroe than PBR, that's for sure...



Fantasy Update


Last Week: Mr. Monday Night 96 Sick Johnny Cakes 94

Overall: 4-1-0, 2nd place

Next Week vs WHO'S YOUR DJ? (2-3-0)


That's 2 sick Monday Night comebacks in the last 3 weeks, baby! Two weeks ago, it was Brett Favre and Jerricho Cotchery that snagged a big win for me with their performance against the Chargers. This week, it was Reggie Bush and Robert Meachem that stepped up for a combined 21 points on the last game of the week, and helped me walk away with the come from behind 2 point win. I knew Bush was due for a big year seein' as he's been tappin' that sweet Kim Kardashian ass, and to watch those punt returns last night was truly a thing of beauty. Winning is nice, but winning with style is always better...

And it's a sweet feeling too. Not just winning, or winning in style for that matter. It's being able to win in a way that in the past, was the exact way I was always beaten. I've always had solid teams with solid players, but this year I went big. I went for the bang or bust strategy with a lot of my picks, and right now they're banging more Gary Glitter at a Jonas Brothers concert. I still have doubts that they'll be able to keep it up for the entire season, but it's sure gonna be fun to see if they can...


Oh and just a little free plug on my way out the door. I produce a show on 790 AM on Monday's from 6-7 with host Scot Cordischi that you should all take a listen to. Feel free to call me up, and I'll put you right through to talk all things Patriots. The show is new, so we're trying to build a little buzz, so if you're in the Providence area and you catch us on the air, give us a shout. And it wouldn't hurt to mention on air how sexy and/or knowledgeable you think I am. Every little bit helps, and telling the truth will always put you in the good graces of the man upstairs...


Ciao for now, and see you on Friday...

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