Pages

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta...




To quote the Fresh Prince...

"Mirror, mirror on the wall...Jean Claude Van DAMN I'M FINE!"

Pro Picks this week? BAM! 10-3...

College Picks the last 2 weeks? BAM! 24-9...

And Fantasy Football this week? Well, that's the capper. BAM!I got Brett Favre, bitches! I got me the high score of the week. I got me a 30 point win. I'm now in 1st place. And now the rest of my league will truly know what it means to find someone "unbearable"...

I mean simply put, I'm on freakin' fire. And to be completely honest, it's about damn time...

Tackle Box
I was a huge fan of the Jets/Cardinals game for 3 key reasons...

1: Brett Favre's 6 TD passes, two of which went to my main man, Jerricho Cotchery. Vindication, baby. It just feels soooo good, to be proven oh soo right. And yes. I fully realize how badly I am jinxing myself right now. I just feel too good to care...

2: Kurt Warner hurting his hand Now that's great TV right there. It caused him to make a face as if he were stung by a bee at a church picnic. It caused FOX to continually zoom in on his hand. And most importantly, it allowed the camera crews to get those all important shots of renowned red carpet strutter, and clip board carrying extraordinaire, Matty Leinhart. Hey, the chicks dig 'em...

3: Anquan Boldin, finally confirming my suspicions that he is A) the toughest man in football and B) the actual incarnation of Rod "Show Me the Money!" Tidwell from the movie Jerry Maguire. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you don't think Will Smith looks like Robert Horry either. These are all your problems, and I feel really bad for you. But for the rest of us, as horrifying as Boldin's injury was (looks like he's gonna be OK, by he way), it made you feel just a little bit vindicated. No, you aren't crazy. Anquan Boldin IS Rod Tidwell. Now show that man his mother fuckin' money!...


At this point I'm not sure what's worse. Having no job at all? Or having to work for Al Davis. My man Lane Kiffin may not have pulled out a win (or a cover, that bastard) against the Chargers this weekend, but at least he's discovered ways to piss his boss off while still giving it 100% on the field. A 75 yard FG attempt with no time left in the 1st half? Hahaha. A FG attempt from your own 41 yard line?!? I know Janikowski has that big, drunken, Polish leg of his, but even he doesn't have a chance in Hell without some sort of gale force tail wind behind him. Good for you, though, Lane. At least you're havin' a little fun stickin' it to the man on your way out the door..


...and what's even funnier in all this? That Raiders are young, getting better, and aren't even that bad right now...

I'll have more football, complete with a preview of the Pats game, on Friday. For now, it's time to move on to some bigger, and arguably better things...

Red Sox Update

Well the playoffs are finally here. They've felt like a given for what seems like a year already, but seeing as they actually are here now, I figure it's time I give them their due...

The main concern for the Sox coming into their ALDS series with the Angels has got to be the general health of their squad. Drew may be coming back into the lineup, but with Lowell dinged up, and now Beckett being pushed back to game 3, some of the team's best post season producers aren't exactly going in this thing primed for success. And Beckett's injury is the worst. At first, it looked as if the Angels strategy of picking the longer series would work in favor of the Sox. But now that Beckett won't be able to make 2 starts on full rest in the 1st 4 games, you have to clearly tip the scales in favor of the home field Angels. Now the Sox will throw Lester and Dice K in games 1,2,4 and 5, with Beckett, their post season stalwart, limited to just one appearance in game 3. Not to say that Lester and Dice K can't get the job done, but such a drastic change to begin a series is never a good sign...

As for the Sox chances, I'm gonna take the cowardly rout and avoid making any prediction whatsoever. The Angels are the better team and the Sox aren't healthy, but Boston is the defending champion and they have the Angels # in the playoffs. So instead of even trying to figure it out, I'm just sit back, relax and enjoy the action...

Besides. If the Angels win, I was right, and if the Red Sox win, I'll be happy! Whoever thought straddling a fence could be so comfortable?...


Here are the rest of the playoff match ups, and my "expert" take on how I think the respective series' will unfold...

Playoff Predictions
Minnesota Twins/Chicago White Sox vs Tampa Bay Rays

Rays in 4: I don't care which team they end up palyin'. I'm guessin' the bright lights and the pressure of October won't get to the Baby Rays until at least the ALCS. They may drop one, but they'll cruise into round 2...

...and good looks by Scott Kazmir. He calls out the fans, and they magically sell out their 1st two home playoff games. Good work, Scotty. If only the New York teams could find players like you...

Los Angeles Dodgers vs Chicago Cubs

Dodgers in 5: I'm picking against the Cubs, and I'm picking with Manny Ramirez. And as if a possible Dodger/Boston final wasn't already juicy enough, check out the latest yarns being hurled out of "MannyWood"...




In case you're not into reading the article, can't read or just can't bring yourself to pull away from my mesmerizing rhetoric, let me just sum it up by saying this. When Manny hits, when Manny performs, his antics are cute. When Manny isn't performing, or when the team isn't winning, the antics become distracting. And when Manny himself becomes unhappy? Well then his antics cause him to burn your team, and leave down for the next big pay day. Dodger fans should just consider themselves lucky that the Manny they're dealing with now, is probably the only one they'll ever know...

Milwaukee Brewers vs Philadelphia Phillies

Phillies in 3: I see this series as a toss up, I really do. But seeing as I picked the Phils to go to the Series in my pre season prediction, I'm sticking with my guns. I got 'em in the shock of the 1st round, as they sweep the "happy to be there" Brew Crew right back to the land of the Beast...

I'll have more playoff commentary on Friday after some games have been played, but until then, that's all I got for ya...


News and Notes
Still don't believe me that the PGA isn't all about Tiger Woods? Well then you obviously weren't watching this weekend's season ending Tour Championship. Anthony Kim and Sergio Garcia rode the rush of the Ryder Cup to an intriguing final round pairing, but seeing as neither of them are T-Woods, they couldn't close, and allowed Camillo Villegas to steal his 1st Tour victory. They had it all set up for a final round to remember, and the the best thing that happened was when the swash-buckling Kim laced a spectator off the dome-piece with one of his drives. Entertaining? Well, of course. Just not in the same kind of ass-kicking-yet-wholesome way that we've come to expect from one, Mr. Woods...

As for the season ending FedEx Cup Championship? Exactly. I forgot it was going on too. But it didn't even factor in. All Vijay Singh had to do to wrap it up was make it through 4 rounds and sign his card. He did that, claimed the FedEx title, and made Carl Pavano look like a common thief as he discretely pocketed a cool $10 mil. No gun. No mask. But with Tiger lying gimp on the sidelines, that's about as clear cut a case of robbery this side of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac...

Paul Newman passed away this week at the age of 83, and his presence in the entertainment world will truly be missed. The guy made great films, had an undeniable passion for sports and even managed to create some delicious food products...

Movies. Sports. Food. Talk about covering all your bases, right? The guy was a legend, plain and simple...

And to stay on the entertainment tip for a hot second, there's yet another bunch of reasons why my last 48 hours have been so prosperous. Used to be sports programming too up most of my TV viewing time, but now that I've been back on the DVR kick for the past year or so, I've been able to get back in the swing of some regular TV. Granted I still think most of what's out there is complete crap, but at least some of my favorites make watching TV on Sunday, a very gratifying entertainment experience...

Family Guy (Sunday 9 pm on FOX)
The new season kicked off this weekend, and while the episode wasn't my favorite, it's just good to have this show back in action. I've been watching a lot of the older episodes recently in syndication, and the way this show has evolved through the years has just been so fulfilling. Seth MacFarlane and his crew know what their strengths are and they play to them with beautifully. Now close the window! You're lettin' all the stank out!...

...and make sure you hang around and watch the new episodes of King of the Hill at 9:30. I know I'm the only one north of Raleigh that seems to like it, but give it a shot. It'll take a few episodes, but I bet it starts to grow on ya...

Mad Men (Sunday 10 pm on AMC)
The critics are right. This is the best show you aren't watching. They smoke cigs, drink booze, objectify women, and slang advertising. It's another show you'll need to learn the characters before you actually start to really get into it, but it's well worth it. And if that's too much work for ya, then I think Cops should be on...



It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Thursdays 10 pm on FX)
Mad Men is the best, but this is the funniest show you're not watching. I look at it like the bastard child of Cheers, Seinfeld and Family Guy. I'm not saying is as good as any of those shows yet, but it has the potential to be there someday. It's got that somethin'. That special thing. It's got...Wild Card bitches!... and GREENMAN!!

Entourage (Sunday 10 pm HBO)
I've been pretty put off by Entourage ever since the end of season one, but Vince's renaissance has got me back on the wagon. I know it sounds odd, and maybe a little dumb, but this show is at it's best when the characters are doing a little more than just partying, making bad movies, smoking weed and fucking. And now that they've returned to some decent plot lines, it's been rather refreshing...


OK, back to the gravy train for a minute. In case you hadn't heard, I'm hotter than a case of Mad Dog 20/20 at a To Catch a Predator screening when it comes to making my picks...

Hell. At this point, I say you give me a pen, a pad, a case of beer, and 3 of my smart Jew friends from Syracuse (Happy New Year by the way), and I'll have this country's financial crisis figured out in about 25 minutes...

And that's not racist either. Jews know money, plain and simple. And seeing as I don't, I'd be in desperate need of their help. Now had the matter been about beating your wife and destroying your liver, I would have asked an Irishman. Inbreeding and chewing tobacco? I'd ask a West Virginian. And naturally, if this were about choking on it long and hard, I'd ask the Mets...

My Picks
Last Week: 10-3-0 (Top Picks: 4-3-0)

Overall: 33-25-0 (.583)

Top Picks: 13-7-0 (.650)

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 9-6-0

Overall: 56-32-2 (.633)

IS it possible for me to stay hot for yet another week when we roll into week 5? In a word? YES. So make sure you come back on Friday. I make you money. You buy me beer. Everybody wins...


And speaking of everybody winning...




Fantasy Update
Last Week: Hanyur's HamFighters 99 FUCK BOSTON 56
Overall: 3-1-0, 2nd place

Next Week vs Sick Jonny Cakes (2-2-0)

My boys did some serious work this week, led by Favre and Cotchery. But with those fools on their bye in week 5, things could get a little dicey. In week 5 I'll turn to Kyle Orton, Devin Hester and my bevy of Saints to march me on to victory, and I guarantee it won't be pretty. But hey, it's gonna take a long, long time before I come down from this Brett Favre TD high, so at this point I'm just willing to roll with the punches. Truth be told, if you had told me before the season started that this is how I'd be going into week 5, I'd have been pretty doggone content. I would have been sketched the fuck out if you told me I'd be using the Orton-to-Hester connection, but those are the crazy match ups that can often result in unexplainable fantasy success...


So wish me luck, and make sure to set your DVR to "pimp" and so you can catch all those shows...


pssssst!...It's right next to the SAP button...

0 comments:

Post a Comment