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Thursday, August 07, 2008

Brett The Jet

Greetings and salutations my good peeps. There's a lot goin on in the world of sports and entertainment this week, but I wanna start with a little self analysis. No, I didn't have an epiphany telling me that writing blogs is for tools, but that assumption might be a little closer than you may have thought. Now I've long been aware that other bloggers out there like to critique guys like me in their spare time, and while most reviews I've heard of my stuff have been relatively positive, I found this particular criticism downright laughable...

(in response to a piece I wrote about how the Kentucky basketball job isn't all it's cracked up to be. You can check it out here...http://www.roochnation.com/2007/04/dice-is-right.html)

"Not to break up the love fest or anything, but this guy… I dunno. Sounds like your run of the mill, jealous of Kentucky, cheap shotting Jim Rome wannabe — but he’s taking a ‘evil Barnhart’ angle in his rant which is amusing in a fantasy sort of way. That is, if you can read it. Apparently he’s a 24 year old expert on sports and the human soul but paragraphs are beyond his comprehension."




HA! Pretty clever for a hick, huh? I'm not sure what's funnier. The fact that the dude has me pegged. The fact that he's criticizing the structural integrity of my blog. The fact that he's critiquing blogs to begin with. The fact that he got all hot and bothered over my criticism of Kentucky basketball. OR....and this is my favorite. The fact that when I went to check on what this guy has recently wrote on his blog, only to find that it's now nonexistent, and essentially has been since the day he launched that post. Apparently the state pen that he currently resides in after the Feds found his moonshine stills, doesn't have the Intraweb. Either that, or his sister/wife has revoked his computer privileges ever since she caught him anally cheating on her with a corn cobbed pipe. And oh yeah. I'm as jealous of Kentucky as...well...I can't think of anything really demeaning enough to get my point across. But I figure you got the point with all the inbreeding and meth cracks. Yeah, they do meth too. And lots of it...


OK. Now that I've steel toed that hick right in his Confederate flag banana hammock, it's time to move on to the real important shit. Naturally, our views of "important" may differ greatly, but I still recommend you read on...


Red Sox Update
Overall: 66-49, 2nd in AL East by 3 games



-Jason Bay has been better than advertised so far, but to quote Winston Wolf, let's not all go sucking each other's dicks quite yet. Bay may be 11 for 22 since his arrival in the Bean, but in a trade that saw Boston's cleanup man leave town, the cleanup spot in the order hasn't exactly been thriving since the deal went down. Call it trivial if you must, but simple math tells you that if you remove something, you damn well replace it if you're expecting to keep up the same production. Mike Lowell, Kevin Youkilis and David Ortiz are all great hitters and everything, but none are as good as Manny. So if Bay is only as good as those guys I just mentioned, and none of them are as good as Manny, the nit stands to reason that in order to keep the offense at the level it was at before the trade, everyone's gonna need to pick up the pace. So I'll say it again. 11 for 22? Let's not go sucking each other's cocks just yet...


-Two youngsters that have been drawing polarizing reviews of late have been Clay Buchholz and Jed Lowrie. Both for different reasons, mind you, but both rather strong opinions nonetheless. Lowrie's performance has had all those Lugo haters (aka Red Sox Nation) clamoring for the kid to permanently man down the shortstop hole, while Buchholz gas can like outings have, God for bid, had the same group of fans clamoring for El Guapo Redux, Bartolo Colon. Here's their respective stats over the last month of the season. You be the judge...

Lowrie: .273 / 0 HR / 13 RBI / 3 R

Buccholz: 0-4 / 6.59 ERA / 24 K / 15 BB


OK, so Buchholz is awful. But how much do people hate Julio Lugo that Lowrie's performance has them doing cartwheels down Boylston St.? I understand Lowrie's defense has also helped his cause, but don't tell me the hatred for Julio Lugo hasn't reached truly Nomar-ic proportions...


-Oh, and you want a few alarming stats to really get you shaking in your boots about this year's stretch run? Well here ya go...

*Despite leading the Majors in both road OPS (on base % + slugging %) and batting average, the Red Sox are still somehow only 26-33 on the road. The only other above .500 team with a worse road record you ask? The Toronto Blue Jays, who currently sit at 57-56...

*Only two Sox starters (Lester and Dice K) even have winning road records this year. Even after his win @ Kansas City on Tuesday, Josh Beckett is only 5-5 this year, albeit with a respectable 3.38 ERA...


Not exactly inspiring, huh? I'm not saying it's time to start looking at the Wild Card, or anything like that, but it's obvious the team needs to step it up if they're gonna be able to challenge the Angels for the AL's World Series bid...


Anyway. Let us now move onto some tasty, non-Sox related baseball news. I swear it's delicious...


Diamonds...She'll Pretty Much Have To
-Barry Bonds was invited to the Giants 50th Anniversary celebration this week, and now the Left Coast is holding their collective breath to see if he'll show. You gotta think they just did the "classy" thing by inviting him, hoping in return he'll do the "classy" thing, and make up some semi legit excuse why he can't show. You know, like make some shit up about being under Federal Indictment, or having to go cheat on your wife with some money grubbing back-stabber...Oh wait...



-Manny's already up to his old tricks in the city of angels. Despite the team's dress code, and Joe Torre's comment that he'll believe Manny will conform to it, Ramirez still has yet to cut his hair, and doesn't seem in any hurry to do so in the near future. On the other hand, he's raking like a Mexican landscaper, so what are you gonna do? Well there ya go, LA. You got what you paid before. Now it's time to just sit back, accept it, and watch the RBI's keep rollin' on in. And keep your eyes out for that yellow grass in left field. Yes, it is what you think it is...


-And again I have to marvel at the power of one Dr. James Andrews. As the Yankees flew Joba Chamberlain down to Birmingham, Alabama to see the good doctor this week, I can't help but be impressed. Not New York, not Boston, not Chicago and not LA. This guy runs his shop out of a hick post known more for the KKK and crayfish, yet he still gets all the big named teams and athletes to run to him to glance at their X-rays. It's like SoCal-er's runnin' to Utah for top shelf porno...


Unfortunately for the Yanks, Joba's "rays" didn't even make it to the good doctor before the burly righty (whose real name is Justin, by the way) was place on the 15 day DL with shoulder stiffness. Ouch. Combine that with Jeff Karstens, who was traded for Xavier Nady, going 2-0 with 15 shut out innings in Pittsburgh, and you know Hank Steinbrenner and Brian Cashamn are feelin' instense pulsating pains in the area of their respective crotches. Sure Nady has been great, but with Joba's move from the bully now looking like a bad idea, and the pitching staff ravaged with injuries, I bet they're wishin' they had Karstens well rested arm at their disposal. Oh but don't worry Yankee fans. Word out on the farm says Carl Pavano and Eric Milton are progressing nicely, and could actually make appearances during the '08 stretch run. HA! Carl Pavano! Can't help but to laugh when I say that name out loud...


-And just to round out the AL East, those pesky Rays definitely aren't going away. They haven't suffered that major injury that could cripple them. And as that 6 run come from behind win against Cleveland on Wednesday proved, they don't know who they are, and they don't know this is the time to start foldin' up their Superman tent and headin' to the golf course. And yes, if I could think of another instance in this paragraph in which to use italics, I would have tossed that sucker in here...


News and Notes


-I gotta give props to Green Bay GM, Ted Thompson, and head coach, Mike McCarthy for at the very least sticking to their guns during this whole Brett Favre saga. They've been saying this whole time that Aaron Rodgers was their man, and despite Roger Goodell forcing them to bring Favre back onto their roster, their still holding to their beliefs. Sure it may look like a short term mistake for a team that's fresh of a trip to the NFC title game, but just like in the Manny situation, these actions set valuable precedent within the organization. With Manny, Theo Epstein and crew let players know they can pout their way out of town when they have beef with their contract. Here, McCarthy and Thompson are letting their players and fans know that no one man, not even the immortal Brett Favre, is bigger than the Packers and their ultimate goal of building another long term winner, capable of bringing home possibly a few Vince Lombardi trophies. Whether it turns out to be the right move, or even all that business savvy remains to be seen, but from where this guy sits, I at least have to admire their dedication to their own principles...

As for Favre being traded to the Jets? Well I told my boys in NYC a few weeks back that the Favre to New York rumors were only circulating in NYC (and at the time it was true), but it turns out the Jetropolitans pulled it off. Or should I say, it appears that way as we sit here today. I still stick to my guns and say the guy is still destined to retire after all this mess, but should he end up donning a new shade of green in the Big Apple, it looks like all this mess was basically all for nought. He would replace Chad Pennington, the team will be perhaps a little bit better, and the big market media will make life for anyone in that locker room vritually intolerable. Basically, the only thing that Favre going to the Jets will change, is the amount of National TV games we'll be forced to watch involving the J-E-T-S...

Either way, I guess I'm just happy that no matter the outcome. The Madden cover curse will live on, and the team that gets #4 will be in a classic lose-lose situation. He's not gonna lead any new team to a title, he's gonna be a huge distraction all season long, and the new team will be stuck dealing with his melodrama once the season ends. Funny. I guess that makes it a lose-lose-lose, now doesn't it? That's the exact situation the Packers avoided by telling the former pill popper to hit the bricks. Good for you Green Bay. Good for you...


-A lot of interesting news out of the world of International basketball this week, the least of which is the US Olympic team. First came word that LeBron would "entertain" $50 mil a year offers to play in salary-cap-free Europe. That was immediately followed by an announcement that the 2nd notable NBA player this summer, Earl Boykins, has opted to play abroad next season rather than toiling in the US. Obviously I don't see a LeBron leap to Europe as even remotely likely, but the exodus of Josh Childrees to Greece and Boykins to Italy this off season may be just what the NBA needs to get it's ass back in gear. I know losing two guys like is like dumping a glass of water in the ocean, or taking a dump in West Virginia, but the threat of a decent league with unlimited spending might at least cause David Stern and Co. to alter their ways and loosen the reigns a little. Hey, with a lot of fans skill questioning if the NBA is on the level, and cable/satellite allowing them to watch whatever they want, don't think an improved EuroLeague wouldn't take away from NBA revenues. Again, I know it's unlikely that they would let it get to that, but I like the competeition. Or at least the illusion of it. Hey, I'm American dammit. The illusion of choice and competetion is what we're all about. Well that, and turning 14 year old little girl movie stars into full blown porned out drug addicts that look like they've been ridden more times than Seattle Slew. Yeah, we're chill like that...


-Speaking of the Olympics, they get started this week with the Opening Ceremonies LIVE from the smog ridden, Commie Utopia known as Beijing, China. I for one couldn't care less, but seeing as half the country seems to have a hard on for Michael Phelps, Dara Torres, that "Gay" sprinter and the US Hoops squad, I figure I at least have to address it. I sure as Hell won't be watching much of the coverage, no matter how eloquent that tiny man Bob Costas is, but I will be listening in for this...Oh Hell, here's the whole medly from that creepy kid's piano recital. The Olympic jammy is in there, but his whole thing is just classic...




What a show, huh? All John Williams songs, and they're all dank. And that Olympic jam? man oh man. You know John Tesh is kicking himself for not comin' up with that bad boy...


So enjoy the pollution, kids. It's the least you should have to go through if you're gonna rake in the commercial loots while still posing as "amateurs". Listen. Michale Phelps is an amateur because swimming is beat, and nobody would pay to watch it on a regular basis. So live the charade, friends, and beat some Commie ass!...Mao sucks!!...

Patriots Update

-So it's finally here. Literally as I'm finishing up this post, I'm getting ready to jet out to work, and run the production board for my first New England Patriots game of the '08 season. And while I'm pumped to get to work, and even more excited to start making my week by week picks for the '08 season and talking fantasy football, there's still the pre season to focus on. Here are some things I'll let you mull over before the madness begins, and we all start to wonder what it was we did when there wasn't any football on...


-The Pats added former Kansas City guard, Jon Welbourn to the club this week, bolstering the depth of what many already are calling the strength of the team. Not me, mind you, as I still think Matt Light is possibly the most overrated player in the AFC. But you can never have too much interior line experience, and Welbourne brings that to the table in spades. Apparently the front office and coaching staff also view the o-line as a little thin, and as usual the fact we're on the same page is rather comforting...

-As for what to look for in the first few pre seaon games, you gotta look at the rookies. In particular, keep an eye out for backers Shawn Crable and Jerod Mayo, along with DB's Jonathan Wilhite and Terrence Wheatley. All are expected to contribute in one way or another this year, so it's time to start seein' what they got. Esepcially keep watch on Crable, who my people have told me has been very impressive in camp, displaying great awareness, quickness, and a rela nose for the ball. The play making from the LBS has been noticeably absent in the past few years, but this new mix of youth and experience could bring back the ball hawking style that helped this bend but don't break defense thrive in the ealier part of the decade...


-Also keep an eye out for safety turned wide out, Ray Ventrone. He could be Troy Brown in reverse, or just anaother failed pre season experiment. Either way it's a unique move to change a guy's position at the pro level, so I know I'll be seein' if the guy has any sort of potential on the other side of the ball...


Alright pimps, that's it for me. If I stay any longer I know I'll start blabberin' about how Ice Cube is trying to make "black" versions of every white family film ever made, that "SportsCenter Steve" ad campaign, or how Dunkin Donuts is now trying to feed me egg white flatbread sandwhiches. We all know that could get pretty ugly, and more than likely, would probably prompt you to go straight to TMZ or MySpace. So, at the risk of pressing my luck, I'm off to learn how to write paragrphs, drink washer fluid and think of the most eloquent way I can tell people that I clean tobacco spit off a stripper pole for a living...


And if you need me this weekend, I'll be eating me some pig...

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