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Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Girls of Summer...

What it is, comrades? I know we're still in the deep depths of the sports years "dead zone", but you know I gots a few tid bits for you to chomp on while we await the big time action. NFL training camps are firing up, and the MLB trade deadline is approaching, but to be honest, all I got on my mind is girls, girls, girls! Some are bitches, some are tards, and some are naked. Just like in real life! It's unfortaunte that they usually can't be the latter without the accompanyment of the two former, but I digress. Fact is, there's broads all up in this piece, and I hope you enjoy...

Before we get to the chicks, though, we have to hit up the holiest of holies...the Boston Red Sox...


The post All-Star hangover is in full effect, folks. After grabbing 5 of 6 to close out the "nominal" first half, and having both the pitching and hitting step up big, the Sox have come crashing back to earth on their trip to the West Coast. Sure they may have salvaged the trip a bit with a sweep of the lowly Mariners,


Red Sox Update
Overall: 60-43, 2nd place by 1/2 game in AL East


-Now I'm not trying to turn into a hater, here, but facts is facts. While the Nation continues to stroke it's hard-on for Jacoby Ellsbury, he continues to be a major clog at the top of what has otherwise been a very efficient offense. I know he's fast, I know he can field, and I know the chicks dig him, but the numbers simply don't lie. For the last month, the guy is hitting .223, and has only managed 1 stolen base and 8 runs. YES, only 1 steal in the last month. I don't care if you and you're boys remember a game last week when he nabbed two bags. It didn't happen. Point is, if Jacoby can come around, then you should see the runs start pouring in on a more regular basis. Hell, the dude hitting behind him is only hittin' about .450 in that same time span. Imagine the freakin' RBI's he would have!...




-Soooo Manny flopped around like a fish in an attempt to field a ball this weekend. He turned a single into a triple, and did it all from flat on his back with a smile on his face. Classic. It's almost as if he's being someone, who in turn is just being themselves. Hmmm. Either way. I think going 7 for his last 14 is a good way to get people to look the other way on that one. Besides, they probably have a new JD Drew t-shirt they need to buyin' right about now...


-What strikes me as the "real" Manny story of late, is the way Dennis Eckersly attacked him on Friday night during NESN's pregame show. Eck, who is technically an employee of the Boston Red Sox, went on the record saying he essentially doesn't like Manny, and that all of ManRam's gum-bumpin' about his contract is just ludicrous. Hmmm. A day after principle owner John Henry comes out and refutes Manny's claims of distrust of the front office, and a boisterous team employee rips him? This is just a typical if you ask me. Bashing the guy before he possibly leaves town, so the fans feel better about his departure. Got Nomar anyone?...

...and yea, a Seattle cop gave Manny a ticket for jay walking. Rumor is, though, that the feet weren't Manny's, and actually belonged to Ty Law's cousin...


-Directly related to the Sox recent struggles was the excellent play of the Anaheim Angels. While the Red Guys continue to tank it up on the road, The Los Mexicanos de Beisbol are tearin' it up. Their 31 road wins are 4 better than any other AL squad, while the Sox 31 road losses are only bested by the 44-56 Cleveland Indians. So you do the math. The Sox are the best home team, and the Angels are the top dogs on the road. Yeah, I'd say it's gonna be entertaining when the Halos cruise through Beantown next week. Sure I'm pumped for this weekend's Yanks series, but as far as the real big picture goes, the ultimate measuring stick might be when Mike Scoscia and friends come to town...


Diamonds...She'll Pretty Much Have To
-Gee, Suze. Tell us how you really feel? My inside sources tell me that during the Yankee game this Saturday, radio color-gal Suzyn Waldman was the victim of a hot mic, and apparently an even hotter tongue. In summary. Her mic was on, and she didn't know it. And after A-Rod stranded 2 runners with an inning ending pop out, was heard to use the words "guy", "200 million", "fucking" and "hit"in rather rapid succession. Hmmmm, I wonder to what she could have been referring? And before you ask me where the audio is, I don't have it....and neither does anyone else. Not everyone listening to the Yankee boradcast would have necessarily heard it, making the audio scarce, combined with the fact that CBS radio has probably long since made it into virtual garbage. Just trust me. There's one bitter female braodcaster behind that hot Yankee mic, who's still apparently miffed that a certain All-Star 3rd baseman didn't "pay his dues" when arriving in the clubhouse, if you know what I mean...


...and P.S. Love to say I told you so, so I will. The Yanks are only 3.5 games back in the East, and have arguably the nastiest bull pen around right now. The key now is making sure they add another starter, or hoping and praying that Ponson and Rasner can hold down the back end of that rotation for the rest of the summer. Neither is a slam dunk, but as usual, those of you that counted them out were more premature than a George Bush victory declaration...


-Oh and back to the Angels for a minute. They'll be the ones to land Braves slugging 1B Mark Teixiera before the trading deadline. He's a "rental" that will be up for free agency at seasons end, so the Angels can simply send Atlanta a few minor league pitchers and their own 1B, Casey Kotchman, to make it work. Another bat for the Angels will mean a whole lot of headaches for the rest of the American League, and could very well make them the team to beat from here on out...


News and Notes
-Well I guess he didn't choke away the British Open title, but Greg Norman certainly didn't do his legacy any favors now did he? Fresh off his 3rd round performance that left him with a 2 shot lead, the Shark gave an interview in which he said he still didn't expect to win the next day, and apparently knew exactly what he was talking about. Props for being right, I guess. But if you're that guy, in that situation, and you say you don't expect to win, isn't that just admitting defeat? Admitting that you're probably the greatest choker in the history of Major Championship golf? You don't like your chances? You had a two shot lead, dude! I don't care if you're 53 or 103. You were ahead after the first 3 rounds, weren't ya? Man, oh man, what a said state of affairs. I'm happy he was able to sneak into the spotlight for a weekend, because he was one of the games great players. But I think his attitude and his performance just reminded me that there was a reason I'd always remembered him as softy that would rather spend his money, then go out there and stake his claim...


...but good looks by Paddy Harrington for finishing strong and grabbing his 2nd consecutive Open title. He's no Tiger, but he pulled through, and that definitely deserves some props...


-And yeah. Michelle Wie was 3 shots off the lead in a recent LPGA event...when she was promptly DQ'd for forgetting to sign her scorecard. Ohhhhh, now I get it. She hasn't been losing on tour because she's not any good. She's been losing because she's a tard! It explains so much! From stepping in other player's lies, bailing out of tournaments after horrendous scores, dating one of the Lopez twins (probably the "uglier" one), to this latest gaffe, this potential wunderkind has become just the latest in the line of young guns who fizzle out. Doesn't mean she'll never amount to anything, it just means you might have a tougher time than you thought if you're trying to get her autograph...


-Some other nuggets this week have the C's holding on to Ed House and Tony Allen, Freddy Adu opting to play pro soccer in France, and President Bush giving a rousing sendoff to our Olympic athletes. I care equally about each of those stories, which is to say I don't care at all. Make of that what you will...


-And rounding out this edition of the crazy girls of Rooch Nation, here are a few other things I learned about the fairer sex this week...

1) Apparently Danica Patrick isn't the only chick driving Indy Cars. And from the looks of it, she just found out too, and isn't too happy...



I'm no mediator, but I'm guessin' that foreign broad had her right blinker on for a few laps, and that brought out the meaner side of America's little boxcar sweetheart. That other, meaner, side has a name by the way. And it's "Dat Ni**a Patrick". You best get to steppin'...


2) It's also good to learn that Anna Kournikova isn't the only tennis pro to make more money taking off her clothes than taking out her opponents...

That's American Ashley Harkleroad. Proud owner of ZERO WTA wins, and now undoubtedly a new legion of horny fans. Hey, at least it wasn't one of the Williams brothers, right?...


3) And was there really a WNBA brawl on Tuesday night? Dear God. What's next? Alley oops and fans in the seats? Here's the live video...



One of them is allegedly Lisa Leslie, but it's tough to tell without the jersey #...



4) And seeing as you were patient enough to wait through the Barbaro V Eight Belles video, and you're no doubt disappointed I didn't have any nude pics of Harkleroad, here's you're reward. It's Meghan Hauserman from "There's a Shot of My Love on Your Thong w/ Bret Michaels", and the new VH1 "smash" hit, "I Love Money". Hey, she might be a dumb pseudo-celeb-whore, but she's naked and on your computer. Two things I know most of you are huge fans of...


...here are the rest of her pics, if you just can't get enough...Does this shit just wreak of a Tennessee back alley strip club, or is it me? Look out for that puddle of Skoal, you money grubbing Paris Hilton wannabe...

http://www.dailyniner.com/meganhauserman1.shtml

http://www.dailyniner.com/meganhauserman2.shtml


Patriots Update
Let's give a hardy "welcome back" to the Patriots Update. Training camp gets crackin' this week, and while the team may be locked, loaded and ready to contend, there are still some battles worth watching in camp, and a few positional questions that still need to be answered...


-The first concern will be the ability of the new look New England secondary. With Asante Samuel playin' for big loots in PA, and Randall Gay doin' whatever it is he does for the Saints, Pioli and Belichick opted to fill the void with the usual mix of rookies and veterans. Draft picks Terrence Wheatley and Jonathan Wilhite are expected to play, and with the maturation of Brendan Merriweather and the addition Tank Williams, should make for an interesting battle fro playing time throughout camp...


-With Donte Stallworth in Cleveland, another player to keep an eye on is 3rd year WR Chad Jackson. Yeah, 3rd year. He's started 1 game, only played in 13 total, and has 13 catches and 3 TDs. I'm not saying the guy needs to be the 2nd coming of Randy Moss, but for a guy they traded up to get in the 2nd round, he'll need to start producing in '08 before he's officially labeled Belichick and Pioli's biggest draft bust. Word out of mini camp is that he's been a lot better so far, but it's gonna take some big plays on the field before the fan base begins to forgive and forget...


-Another interesting "infusion" process if you will, will be the one going on with the line backing corps. 1st rounder Jerod Mayo is expected to contribute inside, and along with veteran Victor Hobson, should ideally hold down the fort well enough to let Adalius Thomas have at it on the outside. The Pats plan to put more pressure on getting to the QB in '08, and it seems that this would be the ideal way to utilize a guy in Thomas that they paid big money to do exactly that...


-I'm also rather intrigued to see how Belichick and friends decide to utilize, if at all, 7th round do-it-all man, Matt Slater. He's part DB, part WR and an all around Special Teams stud. He's got all the tools that made you good on the playground, and I just have a gut feelin' they'll find him a role that will make him a local favorite. Think Troy Brown on steroids...if he even makes the team...


...On the plus side, I'm not too worried about the O-Line suffering from injurywoes this year. Not with Dr. Kaczur hot on the scene...


Well, that's all folks. I'd really love to stay and chat it up some more, but it's time for your man to bounce out to NYC. It's gonna be a Cuse reunion of epic proportions as we welcome my mainsest mens and them, C. Mor, to the Big Apple. Hopefully a good time will be had by all, and I'm sure I'll have some great stories to tell upon my return. Until then, keep you eyes to the sky, and keep shooting for the stars!! OR Just keep on boozin'...it's all the same to me...

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