Thursday, May 08, 2008

You Can't Spell King Without K-G...

What it is, pimps? It's been a long week in the life of your favorite President, so instead of attempting to say something witty to kick things off, I'm just gonna dive right in. And what better place to start, than the Boston Celtics and their outright confusing run through the Eastern Conference playoffs...

News and Notes

-So a week ago I was talking about the C's being pushed to the brink by the upstart Hawks. And despite the fact that KG and friends currently hold a 1-0 series lead against King James and the Cavs, if I were a Celtics fan, I'd be more concerned than ever that my team was headed in the wrong direction. Not only could they not win a single road game against Atlanta, a team with the worst home-court advantage in the playoffs, but in their opening game against Cleveland, it took an heroic effort by Kevin Garnett to keep the Green from forking over the home court they worked so hard for 82 games to obtain. I know you can blame LeBron's poor performance on the stingy Celtic defense, which is a positive sign, but what do you make of the close outcome? They've yet to prove they can win in the playoffs on the road, and seeing as all their home wins against the Hawks were blowouts, the 4 point game 1 win just doesn't inspire confidence. It's obvious that Doc is having trouble with his rotation, and though I don't see the struggles of Paul Pierce and Ray Allen continuing (4 combined points in game 1), this team just seem to have the consistency to be able to make it to the next round, let alone the NBA Finals. With Sam Cassell playing so well in game 1, it's only bound to confuse Glen Rivers and force him into playing Sam I Am An Alien even more, and keep Rajon Rondo on the bench. Anyone that's watched this team this year knows they need Rondo in all aspects of the game, and while Sam did come up big, his lack of defense and rebounding was probably just as big a reason as to why the game was so close to begin with. I don't know, maybe all the teams are good now and I'm reading too much into this, but even with KG playing out of his tree, the Celtics can't expect to continue to win if they keep putting together lackluster efforts like we've seen so far. After all, this ain't the regular season anymore. And last time I checked, James Posey is the only man on the roster that's actually helped bring a ring home in the last decade. Time to step up...

-On the other coast, it seems to be nothing but good news for the Lakers, who saw Kobe Bryant bring home his first MVP award this week after completing his 12th season as a pro. Now I've never been a fan of Kobe Bryant the man, but even I know when to give credit when and where credit is due. And here it is. Congrats on your long overdue MVP, you alleged rapist! After all the people you've alienated/sexed up along the way, you really deserve it. You egomaniacle duechebag...

-And just to prove that I haven't gotten all soft when it comes to how I view the NBA, I have to react to that Chauncey Billups "3 pointer" during game 2 of Detroit's home game with the Orlando Magic. For those that missed it, at the end of the 3rd quarter, Detroit took the ball in and went the length of the court for a desperation 3 by Billups. Problem was, the clock "malfunctioned", and upon further review by all the media at court side (and anyone with 2 eyes and a brain), it was blatantly obvious that Billups didn't get the shot off in the time allotted. So there we were. The millions watching on TV and the thousands sitting court side, all of us knowing that the shot shouldn't have counted. But thanks to archaic NBA rules, even though the technology was readily available to them, the refs were UNABLE to review the play. To me, that's just embarrassing. If the NCAA has rules in place where they could review a play like that, then why doesn't the NBA?! And the league wonders why everyone thinks these games are fixed...

-Oh yea. Carmelo Anthony was cited for going 60 in a 45 just a week or two after being cited for DUI. Gooooooo Cuse! Hey, at least he wasn't goin' a buck-44 like DMX. Apparently those dogs don't stop. Not even for the po-neez...

Now that I've gotten the mandatory NBA ball-licking out of the way, it's time to take a look at some ish goin' down in sports I actually care about...

-First, let's talk about what went down during the 134th running of the Kentucky Derby. Not only did all my picks tank, but if it weren't for Eight Belles taking a mortal dive after the race had finished, the race itself would have been completely void of any drama, suspense or entertainment whatsoever. Fine, call me sadistic and cruel, but if that horse doesn't get killed right there on the track, then this latest installment of the Run for the Roses would have been as captivating as an episode of American Idol. In short, that race sucked, and if that horse didn't eat it, then I probably would be sitting here telling you how now I'm not even gonna bet on the Preakness. Now, I'm on the Web looking for lines involving the likelihood of another horse meeting it's maker on the track. Haven't found any yet, but trust me, if they're out there, I'll have some money on it...Oh, and I'll also have money on how many drinks Hank Goldberg will have before he and Kenny Mayne hit the air. Was that guy tanked or what?? I know that thing is a big party, but when you're gonna be on TV you should really heed a little more caution. Haven't Joe Namath and Rick Sutcliffe taught us anything??...

-While the fate of Eight Belles isn't something anyone in their right mind would wish on their worst enemy, I'm sure NFL sheriff, Roger Goodell was half thinking that he had such powers of euthanasia when it comes to some his players. Between Cedric Benson getting boozed up and tasered on his boat, the ongoing Adam Pacman saga, and ex-Cincy thug Chris Henry attempting to peddle his services to anyone that'll listen, Goodell has to wishing he had a magic needle that he could stick in those fools to send them to the great glue factory in the sky. Hey, I figure if he has the patience to wait all these guys out, chances are the league will be better for it, and so will penal league football teams all across the nation. I hear they have plenty of wide receivers in there.... huh?... huh?????...sorry...

-Former Patriots cameraman, Matt Walsh, has reportedly turned over 8 tapes to the NFL, none of which include the Pats taping the Rams during their pre Super Bowl walk through in 2002. According to several sources, the tapes include the Pats taping signals from various regular season games, and the '02 AFC Title game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. So, to reiterate. Walsh did not provide any new information, and even has his lawyer now saying that it wasn't even Walsh that leaked the "walk through" story to the Boston Herald when the news first broke. Hmmm. Then I wonder why a mole of mine inside the Pats said that Walsh was giddy when claiming he helped win the Super Bowl in a post game after party? Maybe Walsh is just a big tool, or maybe the Pats somehow found a way to cover all this up. I'd believe either or both, but right now it looks like Belichick and the Pats are going to escape without any further sanctions. I know Goodell said he would leave open the option of more penalties, but for what? Haven't' they already been punished for illegally taping signals? Or was that $750,00 fine and the loss of a first round pick simply the penalty for taping that one game against Mangina and the Jets? Guess we'll have to wait and see, but in my eyes, it looks like the Pats are gonna escape this possible debacle with just a few slaps on the wrist...

-And while my Players Championship edition Sports Illustrated arrived at my house, I refuse to believe there is a single golf tournament of note going on this weekend. Not only is the Players NOT golf's 5th major, but a tourney without Tiger Woods is like a tree falling in the woods without a Chinaman around to wonder if it made a freaking sound. Tiger Woods is golf, plain and simple. If you catch yourself watching the Players Championship this weekend, know this. You are a golf fan. And that is rather pathetic. I, on the other hand, am a Tiger Woods fan. Which is not only cool, but a solid sign that I know pimp when I see one. Without T-Money, watching the Players is like a vote for Hillary Clinton. A flat out waste of your time ,and a pretty good sign you might be gay...

Now, it's on to baseball. It's that time of year where managers start coming under fire and fan bases start to get restless. Summer must be right around the corner...

Red Sox Update
Overall: 22-14, 1st in AL East by 3.5 games

-Well another week, and another streak for the Sox. Hopefully this win 5/lose 5 tendency won't follow the team through the entire season, but I guess if they can do it at a 61% winning clip, then I won't have much of a reason to be disappointed...

-Practically a mirror image of the Sox season thus far, has been the streaky play of one David "Large Pepsi" Ortiz. After scaring the bejesus out of the notoriously reactionary Boston sports fan with his slow start, Big Papi has rebounded quite nicely over the last 10 days, hitting a robust .440 with 3 homers and 7 RBI. So, to date the slugger is sitting at .226 with 7 dingers and 27 runs batted in. Yes, that means all you fair weather fans that Mike Bibby called out can now exhale, and go back to blaming Terry Francona and Theo Epstein for everything wrong with Red Sox Nation. Me? I find it's easiet to blame JD Drew. I recommend trying it out. Very soothing...

-And arguably the best news to come out of Red Sox Nation in recent weeks has been the addition of the new on field reporter, the totally bonerific, Heidi Watney. In a move akin to the Lowe/Varitek for Heathcliffe Slocumb deal, NESN brought in H-Bomb, the former beauty queen, to replace the Eight Belles of the sports TV circuit, Tina Cervasio. This chick is dope, and the fact that she knows sports, and is replacing a woman that used to look like Mr. Ed, well, that's what I call a win freaking win baby!...

Diamonds...She'll Pretty Much Have To
-It's always a sad site when you see you can't save someone from themselves ,but even more sad when the criminal justice system can't do the job for them. Case in point is the judge that ruled earlier this week that Roger Clemens can continue to retain the legal services of one, Rusty Hardin. So sad. Roger can't even realize that half is problem is Rusty Hardin. Listen here, Rocket. The only difference between you and Andy Pettitte, is that you and Rusty decided to come out like the Guns of the Navarrone. You're a mushroom cloud layin' mother fucker, mother fucker. Had Rusty told you to fess up and apologize, you'd be pitching right now, just like your buddy Andy, and every reporter with a hard on and a deadline wouldn't be trying to dig up shit about you and some beat early 90's Carrie Underwood. You and Rusty deserve each other, Rog. And it's clearer now than it's ever been. You're both goin' down with this ship. Only difference, is by the time it sinks, Rusty will be the one with all your money...

-Mystery solved as to why Alex Rodriguez was placed on the DL earlier this week. Turns out, it wasn't because of a leg injury ,as the Yankees claimed, but due to a severe case of metro-vaginitis. A-Fraud, who's wife apparently slipped him some Viagara when he was sleeping and somehow managed to get pregnant, actually passed out and hit the deck while his wife was in labor giving birth to the couple's second child. Haha what's the matter, Alex? Was it because it was the first time you'd ever seen snatch? OR was it that your simply a huge puss that can't handle a little ambiotitc fluid and afterbirth? Ewww. OK point taken. But you're still a fingernail painting fruit with purple lips...

-While I was at work producing the Yankee game on Tuesday night, the story dominating the MLB news wire was the no-hitter in progress by the White Sox young gun, Gavin Floyd. The only problem, was that while the no-no was still in progress, Floyd had already given up a freakin' run! Now I don't claim to be a no hitter expert, but what good is giving up zero hits if it doesn't guarantee that your team is gonna even win the game?! Wouldn't you rather have a pitcher giving up 10 hits, and walking the house like Dice K, as long as your team gets the W? I know I would. I guess it's just another classic example of the tradition and the history that goes along with baseball. It's always been more important than the actual play on the field, and apparently it always will be. People tell you it's a numbres game, but at the heart, it's really a game of history, meant to told as a story, as opposed to being read in a box score...

-And if you're looking for an early front runner for the AL Cy Young Award (and aren't we all losing sleep over it?), look no further than Cleveland's Cliff Lee. I had a front row "listen" to Lee last night when he pitched against the Yanks, and it only confirmed what my fantasy stats had been telling me all season long. This kid is flat out dominant this year. Lee came to Cleveland via the Bartolo Colon trade with Montreal (remember them?) in 2002, and outside of his 18-5 season in '05 has been dreadfully inconsistent. He followed that campaign by going 19-19 in just 49 starts over the next two seasons with an ERA over 5.00, and seemed destined to be one of those guys that would just flame out. Well not so fast my friend. To date, Lee is 6-0 with an ERA of 0.81 to go with 39 strikeouts in just over 45 innings. Even better, in a league where road wins are few and far between, Lee has proven invaluable, giving up ZERO earned runs in his road starts in 2008. Not too shabby for a guy that had to fight for his spot in the starting rotation during Spring Training...

Now to end this week's post, I'd like to chat about the recent topic on Bob Costas' HBO program, Costas now. This week, the midget media mogul held a debate about the legitimacy of blogging, and the overall change that the Intraweb and the computer have brought to the sports media business. In one corner, there was Will Leitch, a Godfather of the blogging community, and creator of (link on the right). In the other corner, cursing and cussing at the mere thought of his son growing up in a world ruled by blogs, is noted author and columnist, H.G "Buzz" Bissinger. Buzz went on the record (and when I say cursing I mean like a sailor stricken with scurvy) as saying that the majority of bloggers with irresponsible hacks that were basically ruining the world of journalism that he holds so near and dear to his heart. Buzz, who's credits include the books "friday Night Lights" and "Gone With the Wind" (not the real one, the one about that other dead race horse), said that Internet writers are known for spreading falsehoods, not being informed, and in some cases flat out lying, simply because they don't have to accountable to anyone.

Now, while the man is certainly entitled to his opinion, he came off like someone that that still rides around in a horse and carriage, and uses words, not numbers, to tell his local operator the number he would like to reach on his rotary phone. Then, while riding to work, I heard WEEI's "The Big Show" with host Glen Ordway, basically agreeing with Buzz, while at the same time disagreeing with him (something the show is shamelessly famous for by the way). They talked about how, while there were good blogs out there, the only good ones were the ones that were written and monitored by big time organizations like ESPN, the Boston Globe, or the Boston Herald. They also said that while the majority of bloggers were just guys looking for their 5 minutes to bash a famous personality, the blogs that were simply people's opinions were the only ones they could barely stomach. Gee, thanks guys. I mean, whatever happened to doing all you could to make it in this business? Doesn't everyone have to start somewhere? God. Sounds to me like there's a group out there that's somewhat concerned about not so much what these bloggers are saying, but the fact that they can get their thoughts out there so easily, where in the past it took years of humpin' it in dead end towns before you made it big. Listen. Fact is, if you wanna be in the sports journalism business, and you're NOT blogging, then you're not doing your due diligence. Sure there are a lot of guys out there giving bloggers a bad name, but to lump them all in one neatly wrapped little package is just flat out ignorant. Especially from a bunch of guys that themselves are basically glorified "fans".

That's all this is, and that's all most entertainment blogs should be. These are my opinions. I pass them on to you because I think you'll find them witty, informative, and more or less, more enjoyable than whatever you were doing before you started reading it. It's here for you to make of it what you will. I'm not passing anything off as fact (other than the stats I use), and I go out of my way to tell you so. And if those in the major media have issues with what guys like me are doing, then you know what. We must be doing something right.

Support your man. I'm one of the good guys. And if you give me enough support, I'll get my chance to prove once and for all that bloggers aren't just tools that live in their mother's basements...Even though that's where I currently live...Eh, that's just a minor technicality...

Stay pimpin, kids. I know Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon tied the knot, and the Olypmic torch reached the top of Mt. Everest, but sometimes even the juiciest news get's left on the cutting room floor. Maybe next week...Catch you on the flip...


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