It's the Final Four, baseball is starting, Isiah is in more hot water and the Celtics actually have a shot at taking home the NBA Championship. Hmmmm. See how well you know me and guess which one I'm not gonna talk about. If you're right, I'll send you a Rooch Buck...not yet redeemable for anything, and actually not even printed. Essentially, it's a napkin I wrote a few curse words and drew a lewd picture on on. That's gotta be worth somethin,' right? OK on to the Big Dance. My bracket might be busted, and I might be a little down on the CHALK in the Final Four, but that ain't gonna stop me from droppin' my thoughts on the match ups on ya. I think I had the right champ when there were 64 teams, and now that they're down to 4, I can't say I'm ready to change my mind...
2008 Final Four
(1) Memphis vs (1) UCLA
-The first game of the evening gives you the interesting match up of the "talent" vs the "team." Memphis, or the "talent," come at you with NBA prospects at all 5 positions, and will try to out-athlete you. They thrive on creating easy baskets for themselves, and giving the opposition problems on defense with their length and aggressive style. We all know they're weakness is foul shooting, but I say if it's been good enough to get them this far than it likely won' be the reason their season ends. UCLA on the other hand, has just as good athletes and talent, but prefer to play a more balanced game than do the Tigers. Basically they depend on Kevin Love inside, Darren Collison outside, and they let the rest of their talented crew serve as the gears and the glue. Russell Westbrook is just as likely to throw an ill pass (he led the Pac 10 in assists) as he is to throw down a monster dunk, and if Josh Shipp can be threat from the perimeter, it will make this team almost impossible to defend against. After a season of wrestling boards away from the Lopez twins, I just don't see Love having much trouble with the Memphis bigs, and therefore should be able to get the 20 and 10 he's accustomed to. I think that methodical, grinding style will wear down the Tigers, forcing them into bad shots and ultimately force them to play from behind. A place, we saw in their only loss of the season, they aren't too comfortable playing in....
(1) Kansas vs (1) North Carolina
-In the game to decide the final participant in the '08 championship game, we have a battle of two very similar squads. Both have a ton of big, athletic of McDonald's All-Americans. Both are deep. And both are well schooled in either running up and down, or slowing it down and running the half court game. As far as skill level and big game ability go, I think think that's where the similarities end. See, my problem with the Kansas teams of the past few years has always been that they don't have that ONE guy to get the big hoop when they need it. Talk all you want about Rush and Chalmers, but when it comes to crunch time those aren't really the guys I wanna put the pressure of my season on. They're a really good team, and those are really good players. That's why they've gotten as far as they have. But if I'm picking a team that I think is going to be able to step up and take this game, or win it in the final minutes when all the chips are in the middle, it's gotta be the North Carolina Tar Heels. Whether it's Tyler Hansbrough, Wayne Ellington, Ty Lawson or the rest of their stellar supporting cast, they have guys that I trust down the stretch, and guys that I just think are playing too good right now to lose...
-As for my National Champ, I'm stickin' with my guns and takin' the UCLA Bruins. I figure, at this point it's basically a toss up between the 4 #1's anyway, so I might as well take the team I've had since the start, and the only team that can help give my bracket at least some respectability....
Now, I'm movin' on to the Sox. We don't even have a full week's worth of games in the books, but you know I've already found plenty about this team to yap about. Hey, it's what I do!...
Red Sox Update
Overall: 3-1
-It's actually rather amazing, but in just 4 games the Sox have managed to touch on nearly ALL the possible story lines that had a few people worried coming into the season. If this is a sign of things to come, then there might be some issues. Personally I just think it's more of a freak coincidence than it is a trend for the entire year, but you can be the judge. Here's what I mean...
(1) Will Dice K develop even a semblance of consistency?
-Talk about consistently inconsistent. Last year this guy would strike out the side on 10 pitches in the 4th, only to walk them loaded and give up 4 runs in the 5th! He's got the stuff, no doubt. The question is whether he can put it all together on a more regular basis. So far this year: 1st start he walks 5 and strikes out 6 over 5 innings in Japan. 2nd start he walks none and strikes out 9 in 6 and 2/3. And that was against the same team, too, in the Oakland A's. If you wanted to, you could say he needed like 5 times through the lineup to put the kibosh on those glorified minor leaguers. I think Dice is gonna pull through, but the numbers and the results just don't bear me out quite yet. I'll be rootin' for him, but I'd say to this point he's started '08 off just as inconsistent as 2007...
(2) ...and what about Jon Lester?
-Yeah Lester was just as inconsistent last year as the Dice man, and he's started this year exactly the same way. It's never a good sign when people think your best strength is working out of jams that you constantly create. I mean it's a good sign that you can get out of bases loaded, one out jam on a regular basis. But I'd rather you didn't walk the bases loaded to begin with. His first start this year was in Japan where he was roughed up a bit, so I'll cut him some slack. In his second start on Wednesday against the same Oakland A's, and he was able to shut them down over 6 and 2/3. You seeing a trend here, kids? Or do I need to whip out the safety scissors and side walk chalk? His 4-0 last year is a little deceiving since he had a 4.57 ERA and allowed 10 homers and 31 walks in only 60 innings, so he'll have to sharpen up to get the wins they need out of him this year. I know you survived cancer man, and good for you, but it's time to knuckle down man and do the damn thing. As Eddie Murphy's African wife Moom Fufu once famously said..."Lestiiieeeeeeeee. WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME LATELY?!?!" Start rackin' up those good starts and eatin' those innings brotha, or we just might have to start askin' for HALF!!...
(3) Will JD Drew stay healthy?
-Ha! You all know my feelings about Nancy Drew here. And if you don't, lemme just tell you I think he's either the most injury prone guy on the planet, the softest guy on the planet...both of those, or possibly some sort of helmet wearing short bus monitor that's somehow managed to milk several major league teams out of 10's of millions of dollars. Oh, and as a shock to all, after tearing it up in Spring training, Drew hurt is back on the plane to Japan, and has yet to take the field. In all seriousness, they call his injury a "Southern Leaguer," referring to the long bus rides those guys take. I like to call it...Thursday. When this guy plays, he's pretty good, but when he's only playin' 130 games a year (last year he actually made 140 after playing only 218 in two seasons with the Dodgers) he's not even close to worth the $14 mil their payin' him. Somethin' just ain't right when a guy whose name is David Jonathan goes by "JD." There's somethin' just not right about that at all, and combined with his flat out ability to get himself hurt, and that alone is some reason to hate. Like I said last year. I hope Drew sucks it up, and the Sox win the World Series. That worked out OK for everyone, didn't it? So why not try again this year. Screw this guy and I hope the next injury he gets, is the one that puts him down for good....not "put down" like a horse or a dog, I just want his career to be over. Death is a little much to ask for anyone that's not Joe Morgan. Now that guy can flat out stab himself for all I care...
(4) Will Manny stop doing that thing where he watches the ball for like, 20 seconds, and ends up turning doubles and triples to close plays at first?!?
-No. He wears pajama pants and a skull cap. We should be lucky he knows what those raised white things in the dirt path are. As long as he keeps rakin,' that's fine by me. I've never had issues with the guy, only with his contract. And as the market keeps gettin' pumped up, that deal is lookin' better and better every year. You know? Maybe that Dan Duquette wasn't such a dumb ass after all. I mean, besides that whole Jose Offerman thing...
(5) We know Varitek is a great defensive catcher, but is there any chance he's gonna hit at all this year?
-I wouldn't expect much from Tek in the form of offense, but like Manny's attitude that doesn't bother me much either. He's hit about .240 the last couple seasons, and that's what I'd expect him to hit again. I know it sounds cliche to say, but anyone that watches this team play knows how invaluable Varitek is to this pitching staff. I'm not talkin' about all the pink hats that love how he sprints around the bases or wears his hair all high and tight. This guy scouts batters like pitchers do, and it takes a lot of pressure of of the pitching staff. In a day and age where there aren't really many great hitting catchers to begin with, I'll take one that's a little on the lite side offensively, if he's able to bring me the preparation and game-calling ability of a guy like Jason, simply because I don't even need the offense from that position. If we start to count on this guy for homers and doubles, then the team is already fucked. Sure a few clutch hits here and there wouldn't hurt, but as long as he can stay a step above of that "automatic out" zone, that he'll continue to be a very valuable asset. His... performance on Wednesday night was certainly a step in the right direction...
(6) Can Bartolo Colon really pitch, or is he just a fat Mexican?
-OK, so he's Dominican. Whatever. I had a Spanish guy tell me the other day tell me that all white people look a like, so this is what you get. Combine a few shaky starts from Dice K and Lester, Beckett's back injury, and Bartolo chuckin' 94+ in some Spring action, and people can't help but be optimistic. Granted, Taco Libre here still looks like he's got a better chance of eating the side than striking it out, but if he IS actually throwing that hard, then he might be a nice option this year at the back end of the rotation. Remember, this was basically a no risk pickup, so whatever this guy provides is just gravy. Which ironically enough is what he sweats from every orifice every time he needs to stand up or roll over. Hey there full pack of hot dogs on the back of your neck!...
-I know it's only been 4 games, and I know it's only been against Oakland, and that's why I'm not worried. For the most part this is a bunch of tick-tac stuff that won't keep this team from winning the title, it's just funny that not even a week into things and all of them have been addressed in some way or another. If by chance I have to add a #7 that says "Is Josh Beckett actually hurt more than we thought?" then we'll stop talking about this list as being comical, and start talking about the realistic chance this team misses the playoffs. Sounds like a big assumption, I know. But with Schill on the shelf, and the aforementioned dudes having the consistency of bread pudding, no Josh Beckett more than likely means no playoffs for the '08 Sox. I don't think he's hurt, I'm just saying that it would take him going down for me to seriously second guess this teams chances for the season...
Diamonds...She'll Pretty Much Have To
-I heard a report the other day that the "Rays" and the Pirates were both over .500 at the same time this week for the first time in 6 years. Even better, some scrub on the Royals named Brian Bannister, 3-hit the vaunted Detroit Tigers on Wednesday. Could this be the year that the shitty teams fight back and take a stand?? Hahaha...Nah. Theses teams are still beat as Hell. But in a 162 game season, every dog has his or her day. Even a dog that should have been "sent to a farm upstate" a long, long time ago...
-You gotta love baseball in the Big Apple, man. Only in the city that never sleeps could you have Pedro pullin' a hammy on one side of town, and Dr. McNamee sellin' Clemens autographs via eBay on the other side! What a country, and more importantly, what a city. I mean seriously, I thought I would have to at least have gone to Thailand or Suadi Arabia before I found a place where they laugh at injured Dominicans for fun, and where the doctors can only make loots by peddling black market goods via the Intraweb. I do feel bad for Petey, who said he felt a "pop" when throwing in his first start against the Marlins, but I can't help as a Sox fan feeling a little vindicated. A lot of tards in Sox Nation thought Theo was nutty for not wanting to re-sign Pete for only 3 years, but those that saw the big picture knew he was headed for the injury plagued portion of his career. I mean the guy weighs like 25 pounds, and that's when he's holdin' that dead midget friend of his, so why is anyone surprised that after all the stress and pressure he's put on his body over the years he's starting to break down? I had someone about a month ago, who claims to be a sports "expert," say that Pedro was good for at LEAST 15 wins this year. Kid refused to even listen to logical reasons why that wasn't probable, and proceeded to tell me that if I didn't think it was gonna happen, then I had no idea what I was talking about. Well...nameless Tardzilla. You should consider yourself lucky I'm not already putting you on blast for your blatant ignorance. Go back to your typewriter and your Dungeons and Dragons, and leave the predictions and prognosticating to those of us that actually know what side of the pimp hand the baby powder goes on. You know, the guy that got beat out in this year's NCAA tourney by every housewife and secretary with a computer and a $10 bill. Hey, I didn't say I was always right, but right or wrong I'm bound to bring some funk when the all is said and done. Consider Pedro, said and DONE...
-And you gotta love Eric Gagne, don't ya? That fat, greasy French bastard picked up right where he left off last year, blowing a 3 run lead in the ninth that almost cost the Brewers the game. I swear that guy sweats mayonnaise, and I just don't get why he doesn't at least throw a little on the ball to give it some movement. I'm not sure if he was a roider, or just that all his arm surgeries eventually caught up to him, but whatever he had is long gone. What he needs to do, in order to but to the chase, is to call up the Long Island Ducks and get this whole transition over with. I mean I know it's not the route Mark Wholers chose, but I think John Rocker made it pretty clear that if you were once a dominant closer, and now you're a complete joke, than LI, NY is the place to be. Which is weird, cuz I know a lot of bums out on that island that were NEVER dominant....but some of them sure are greasy!...
News and Notes 
-Just when I was about to call the authorities and tell them the Van der Sloot brothers must have captured and abducted Matt Walsh, it looks like all the talk about SpyGate might just be coming to a close. Ahhh shucks. In a speech this weekend in front of NFL owners, Patriots owner Robert Kraft and head coach Bill Belichick did their best to explain, and apologize for their sideline taping tactics, and the reaction might surprise you. They got a standing ovation. To me, that speaks volumes. I know Kraft is well liked, but between the hatred for Belichick, and the jealousy due to the Pats success, I think the fact that they have the support of the owners when it comes to SpyGate tells you it's no longer an issue. Kraft came out and said Walsh never even signed a confidentiality agreement with the club, and Commissioner Goodell even stated that the league hasn't had any trouble negotiating immunity type deals with plenty others they've questioned in regard to the matter. What's that tell ya? I think it's obvious now more than ever that what Matt Walsh has is nothing. Which is to say he sure as Hell doesn't have what he claimed to have had, the tape of the Rams walk-through before the Super Bowl. At best I say this guy has some tapes similar to the ones already seized by the NFL, and show the taping of signs which Belichick has already copped to.
Now, if you wanna tell me that Belichick knew what he was doing and is only sorry now that he's been caught, I'll listen to you. I think it's perfectly feasible to think that Belichick broke all these rules in an attempt to be sneaky and to cheat, because it's obvious that in stealing signs, he was trying to take any and all conceivable advantages he could to win. If he was doing that, I could buy he was purposely cheating and sticking it to the man, I just don't think that's the case. I think he tried to push his luck with his "interpretation" of the rule, got caught and fined, and is now actually sorry and embarrassed at how he let his team down. I know. I say it all the time. He's sorry because he got caught. I'm just of the opinion that what he was doing wasn't actually all that bad or uncommon, and that the result of that cheating wasn't a major difference in the team winning or losing any games. Maybe I'm looking through this thing with Flying Elvis-colored glasses, but unless Walsh comes walking through that door with that walk-through tape, I'm gonna consider this issue closed.
And seriously, if we don't hear from Walsh soon, we should really get Dog the County Hunter to strap on his pookah shells and track that bastard down. I've seen Dog find ice-heads with no houses, cars or any means of income. I think he can manage to track down a golf pro, even if it means bringing all 73 of his kids on the trip strapped with paint ball guns and mace spray. Ahhh, nothing says family bonding like bringing a vigilante drug dealer to justice, opening his eyes to God, giving him a cig, throwing him in the slammer, and then bailing him out. Doesn't it just make you long for your childhood, brah??...
-Looks like it could be the end of the road for Isiah Thomas in New York. Yeah, that's right...again. The Knicks announced this week that Donnie Walsh is taking over as their President, replacing Isiah, and now seems poised to oust the much maligned coach before the year is through. And you would think Zeke's firing is a slam dunk, right? I mean the Knicks are heading towards a 60 loss season, and this IS the team that Isiah put together himself, and has been unable to control from the bench. He's harassed interns, fought with players, all while leaving the public scratching their heads, wondering what nude beastiality pics of owner James Dolan Isiah must have in his possession. That's gotta be it, right? If Isiah doesn't have pictures of Dolan performing oral on some sort of sheep, bear or yak, then you have to figure the billionaire owner is just as much to blame for the team's recent embarrassing play on and off the court. And I read a funny headline the other day regarding Isiah and his alma mater Indiana and their search for a new head coach. It said "Thomas Said He Hasn't Been Contacted by IU." Uh....Well it IS an academic institution, Zeke. How much credibility would they have if they hired a guy that has destroyed a league (CBA), had his shot with 3 NBA squads (Toronto and Indiana), and had his most recent employer pick up the bill in his multi-million dollar sexual harassment settlement. Yeah, if that just doesn't scream higher learning then I don't know what does. My brain is telling me that Isiah should be out the door before the season's through, but that's the same brain that's been tellin' me that for the past 3 years. Matter of fact, it's the same brain that was confused to shit when the Knicks hired this guy in the first place! Part of me wants this guy to stick around so the Knick fans have to suffer and I have something to laugh at, but for the sake of my good judgment, this guy needs to be canned and canned quickly. Preferably in an an embarrassing fashion, like maybe put him the stocks outside MSG and let people hurl rotten fruit and cig butts at him. Hey, the punishment should fit the crime, and this loser is the Osama bin Laden of the front office and the bench. And with any luck, he'll be making homemade videos in the 3rd world desert faster than you can say Eddie Curry's cholesterol!...
That's it for me this week, but if you really have a craving for a little Rooch action, feel free to catch me on the radio every morning for the rest of the summer. That's right, just because my station reformatted, and the man took away my shot at glory, doesn't mean I'm goin' down without a fight. Due to the fact that the NEW station I work at, WPRV, is still carrying the New York Yankee games, I not only get to produce the broadcasts, but voice a 1 minute Yankee recap that will air during Imus in the Morning the following day. That's right. One minute a day, and it's about the freaking Yankees. Hey, it's not the most glorious job in the world, but in a time where I thought my on air aspirations had taken a serious hit, it's serving as a nice beacon of hope. If you're interested in listening (and I know you're all shivering in anticipation) feel free to tune to 790 AM in the southern New England and Rhode Island area every morning following a Yankee game @ 7:15. It's early, I know. And seeing as I tape the recap the night before, I won't be listening. The main point is, I'm back on the air, and that's a step in the right direction towards becoming the world's ultimate sports pimp.
Speaking of my job, it's time to get to it. Hope you all enjoyed the ish I tossed at ya this week, hope everyone has fun watchin' the Final Four, and I'll catch-cha on the flip side dun....(I think "dun" is gangster for brother, or cousin, or somethin)
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