Friday, December 21, 2007

Pimpin' Aint Easy, Unless You're Dating a Spears'

Lemme tell ya. It's been tough getting to work at 5 AM every day this week, but it's even tougher excepting all the accolades I've received since making my radio debut earlier this week. OK, so that second part was a stretch, but I figure if you're reading this, then you'll want to check me out today (Friday) 9-Noon on 99.7 FM and 790 AM. Or, if you're not in southeastern Mass or Rhode Island, feel free to take a listen at Gooooooooo Me!

Now that I've gotten my own gratuitous plug out of the way, there's a few things I'd like to blab about before I get to my weekly picks...

-It's been over a week since the Mitchell Report was made public, and we still haven't heard from the biggest name it contained, the Rocket Roger Clemens. I mean, technically, both he and his shill of a lawyer have made statements, but is that really the way an innocent guy would react? Pettitte already came clean and they were fingered by the same guy (pun intended). The longer he remains publicly silent, the more guilty he looks. And listen, I'm not saying this alleged rapist and roid peddler, Brian McNamee, isn't above suspicion when it comes to his testimony, but there's a lot of smoke here for their not to be fire. Come clean, Rog, and most fans will forgive and forget. Not me, mind you, but I don't really care about your fat ass anyway, so winning me over is gonna take a lot more than a few tears and a nice prepared statement. Maybe exiled Sox GM Dan Duquette was right about you Rocket. Maybe the only reason you didn't fade off into retirement when you were done with the Sox, was because you were on the "juice." Lookin' like a good call now, Dan, isn't it? You still don't get a pass on calling Jose Offerman the replacement for Mo Vaughn, but this is step in the right direction buddy....

-I have to give credit where credit is due, no matter how much I may have ripped a person in the past. In this case, I give props to Boston Celtics head coach, Glen Rivers. My biggest knock on "Doc" since the Big 3 have arrived has been that I don't think he's a good enough "in game" coach (X's and O's) to take this team over the top in the playoffs. Well, in a playoff type game on Wednesday night, Rivers drew up a great play to get Paul Pierce the ball in the final seconds, but the Truth simply missed the shot. He also made a key substitution late in Tony Allen, who came up with a huge steal late to keep the C's in contention. Sure, you can point to the fact that it was Allen's suspect D on Chauncey Billups in the final seconds that cost the Celts the game, but I can't see how you blame that on Doc. This isn't rec league ball. If you have to be told not to fall for an up-fake, or how to properly contest a shot in the final seconds, then there's not much any coach is gonna do at this point to change that. It was a bad play, by a good defender, but more importantly, it was a good move, by a bad coach. Let's see if you can keep it up Glen, because I promise if you do, those last second open shots are gonna be fallin' more often than not...

-Jonathan Papelbon is the owner of the ball that represented the final out in the '07 World Series. Well, what's left of it that is. Paps left the ball on his counter where his dog, Boss, got to it and tore it to shreds. No offense to Papelbon's intelligence (here comes an offensive comment), but I can't say I'm surprised in the least that this happened. Once a hillbilly, always a hillbilly. I love ya, Paps. I just don't think I'll be letting you borrow any of my shit anytime soon...

-Thanks to a unique balance of luck and skill, I find myself this week in the Championship game of my fantasy football league. I come into the game as a 24 point favorite according to the "projected points total," but I feel it's going to be a fierce, nip and tuck battle. I've already made out with more loot than I could have reasonably expected before the season started, but don't think for a minute I don't want to win. Screw the loot, man (lie). I want the one thing that only a Yahoo! Fantasy Sports league can give me, a tiny trophy for my Yahoo! Fantasy Sports profile. When I look at my personal fantasy history, I wanna see 2007 Champion, and a tiny golden piece of delicious justification right along side it. Let's do it for the hardware, boys! Let's win this one....for Rooch!...

Usually, I give you a nice little song and dance to go along with my picks, but seeing as time is an issue for me this week, I'm just getting down to brass tacks. I know, I know. You're craving my knowledge and advice, but I'm sorry, this is all I got for ya. Hey! You should be lucky you're getting anything at all, you freeloadin' bastards...

Week 16 Picks
New England Patriots (-21) vs Miami Dolphins
Buffalo Bills (+3) vs New York Giants
Jacksonville Jaguars (-13) vs Oakland Raiders
Philadelphia Eagles (+3) @ New Orleans Saints
Minnesota Vikings (-6.5) vs Washington Redskins

Monday Night
San Diego Chargers (-7.5) vs Denver Broncos

Last Week: 3-3-0

Overall: 53-38-4 (.579)

I have seriously been slackin' on my college hoops analysis so far this season, but I promise I'll pick up the pace...just not this week. Don't get it twisted, I've been watchin' a lot of games, but I just aint got the time to get as in depth as I'd like right now. As for the poll, there wasn't much change this week, but expect that to change as conference play approaches. Two games sure to alter the lineup are coming this Saturday with Georgetown @ Memphis and Texas @ Michigan St. Make sure to check those games out, and keep comin' back for the college hoops lowdown. I promise to stop slackin' om my pimpin'. You just gotta trust...

College Hoops Top 10
1. Memphis (9-0) 1
2. North Carolina (10-0) 2
3. Kansas (11-0) 3
4. Washington St. (9-0) 4
5. UCLA (10-1) 5
6. Georgetown (8-0) 6
7. Indiana (8-1) 7
8. Pittsburgh (11-0) NR
9. Texas (11-0) 8
10. Butler (10-1) 10

just missed: Marquette, Duke, Tennessee, Michigan St.

dropped: (9) Duke

Oh yea. 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears (named after her dad...seriously) is pregnant. Feel free to laugh as much as you'd like at the Spears family, and their freakishly white trash tendencies, as those ass backwards money hungry hicks deserve every last second of it. Apparently they agree, as the Spears' TV people are considering airing a show about the teen's pregnancy! Haven't these idiots learned anything from their older skank of a daughter? I got $20 says Jamie has triplets, and then makes millions when the tape of her gas station bathroom stall "conception" leaks it's way onto TMZ. I'm taking action at 3 to 1, and 7 to one that Joe Francis (Girls Gone Wild) or Rick Solomon (Paris Hilton, Shannon Dougherty, Pamela Anderson) are somehow behind it. God Bless the South for providing us Yankees with enough retards to keep our tabloid pages and cable boxes stuffed to the gils. Yeee hawwww, you crazy bastards, and keep it comin'...


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