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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I'm Surrounded By Idiots!!!

38 Caliber Killers
Another week, another 38 points, and another blowout win for the "dynastic" New England Patriots. And yea, if you think you've already read this headline somewhere, then you're probably right. I had the headline "38 Special" all ready to go on Sunday night, but seeing as I'm apparently as creative (/ way more creative) than most major newspaper editors around the country, it's already been used, and I've been forced to alter my genius. Hey, if they need to copy me to get by, then by all means, just know that I'm onto your games, corporate America! Anyway, what I really want to talk about, is the latest smack down by the Patriots which I am calling, #3 of 19. In the short time since the Pats 3rd straight 38 point performance, I've heard countless analysts talk about how there is no way the Pats can go undefeated. In their defense, most point to the fact that the league is just too good, not that the Pats aren't good enough, but I still beg to differ (oh please let me differ!).

Teams like the Colts and Broncos have come close to perfection in recent memory, but I honestly think the Pats are better than either of those squads, and therefore have a better shot at turning the trick for the first time since the '72 Dolphins, and the first time in modern history (16 game schedule). They have the largest scoring margin through three games of any team since the 1996 Packers, who ironically enough went on to beat the Pats in the Super Bowl that year. Add to that, both Tom Brady and Randy Moss are on pace to break the record for touchdowns at their respective positions, and the defense is giving up only 11.7 points per game. Not a bad little combination they got goin' on there, huh?

Now, granted, it's only week 3, and there are still plenty of injury hurdles and "trap games" to avoid along the way, but I like their chances. Let's just put it this way. If there were ever a team since 1972 that had a truly good chance of going undefeated and winning the Super Bowl, it's this one. Don't let this opportunity pass, fellas, cuz it's time to go from "dynasty," to "best franchise of ALL TIME!" Woooooo!

Patriots Update
Overall:
3-0

Next Week @ Cincinnati Bengals (1-2) on Monday Night

Tackle Box
*I've always said that the best people Syracuse University has churned out, especially when it comes to sports, are those that don't graduate, and I'd like to take this time to thank former Orange wideout, Qadry "the Missile" Ismail, for making my point. Ismail, the younger brother of Notre Dame star Raghib "the Rocket" Ismail, now works for ESPN, and decided he should come out with a power ranking in regard to the NFL. Here's his "professional" ranking of the top 3 teams in the league:

1. Pittsburgh Steelers

2. Indianapolis Colts

3. New England Patriots

Now, I'm all for being different, and I'm all for giving the defending champs the benefit of the doubt, but what the hell is his hard on for the Pittsburgh Steelers? Two home wins against Buffalo and San Fran, and a road win against the Browns. Ummmm, what? Props to Mike Tomlin for getting that team on the right page, and props to Big Ben and Willie Parker for starting out quick, but what has Ismail seen that the rest of us haven't? Oh wait, he's just another idiot with a Syracuse degree! (that sound you hear is laughter from me, Carmelo Anthony, Bob Costas, Mike Tirico and Marv Albert....wait, I guess that wasn't Marv laughing, so much as it was him telling the hooker he hired to "do that again....yes!"

*Speaking of Syracuse alumnus, Donovan McNabb had 5 incompletions on his way to 381 yards and 4 TDs Sunday against the Lions. Now, that's good 'n' all, but if he were white, he wouldn't have had any incompletions. I mean, that's what he wants me to say, right? Shut up and play ball D-Mac, because apparently, you're pretty good when you decide to do just that.

*And just to keep it all Cuse, all the time, let's hear it for the Orange football team and their win on the road against Louisville! Let's forget the fact that it looked like Louisville was playing with 8 dudes, and focus on the fact that the Cuse managed to win on the road, despite being 36.5 point underdogs! Wow! Congrats, Greg Robinson, you just bought yourself the rest of the season on the sidelines, but I wouldn't stop clearing out my Manley Fieldhouse office just yet. After all, there are some problems, like having your star QB recruit from 2 years ago now playing defense, that may be just a little too hard to overcome. / you suck at coaching, and got lucky.

My NFL Picks
Last Week:
4-2-0

Overall: 7-9-2 (.445)

*There are few things cooler than telling someone you think one team is gonna win, having them tell you that your pick doesn't make sense, and then watch the team you picked cover the spread by almost 30 points. Thank you Vince Young, and thank you Tennessee, for making me look smart, and making oh so many of my friends look like morons. Also, that win pushed me over the top, and gave me a nice winning week to get my season kick started. Look out, punks, cuz I'm comin...

And, by popular demand, I'm going to start posting my Top 25 college picks each week. Hey, I figure I'm doin so well picking those games, I might as well share the wealth. Here's a little preview of how I've been doing...

Last Week: 12-9-0

Overall: 49-31-1 (.611)

Red Sox Update
Overall: 94-62, 1st in AL East by 2 games
Status: Two game lead, 6 games to go. Kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Diamonds Are Forever
*Is Milton Bradley not the craziest mother not named John Rocker in the history of baseball, or what? If you haven't seen the videos from the bizarre incident, I've posted them below, but I also have a few comments on the topic. If you ask me, and most of you do, Bradley was totally baited by umpire Mike Winters, and it's Winters that deserves to be punished. Bradley has been an absolute terror on the field in years past, and probably deserves whatever he gets, but if Winters did actually insight the argument by calling Milton a "piece of shit," then it is Winters who's at fault. Personally, if I were Bradley, I'd think about suing the over zealous ump. I mean, Bradey's now gonna miss the entire post season, and likely a little bit of next season with his torn ACL, so why not sue for lost wages, right? Either way, watching Bud Black come onto the field, tackle Bradley, and then watching Bradley writhe in pain on the ground, was arguably the funniest and most bizarre thing I've ever seen on a baseball field before.






*One more moron that deserves mentioning, is former Red Sox "Mo Vaughn replacement" (Dan Duquette's words, not mine), Jose Offerman. Offerman plead not guilty in court this week to assault for the incident in which he charged the mound, and swung his bat at the opposing pitcher. I'm sorry, Jose....have you not seen this?



Props to the dude that put that video together. There actually wasn't any live footage released, and this is pretty damn good. Not to mention the crazy techno beats....unce, unce, unce, unce, unce, unce, unce (that's me trying to write what I think techno music sounds like...wow that was a mouthful)


News and Notes
*Oh wait, I pre empted myself. Turns out, there are plenty of morons left for me to pick on, not the least of which being, Iron Mike Tyson. Tyson plead guilty this week to felony drug possession of cocaine, and may now face up to 4 years in prison. Who on earth would have thought that a convicted rapist, with a face tat and a history of biting people's ears off, would be into blowcaine? I, for one, am just shocked, and hope that Mike will soon come out with evidence to clear his name! OR get another face tat while in the joint....Yeah, the second one is definitely what I'm lookin' for. (FYI: I hear Jesus gives the ill tat, as long as he's not at a dog fight)

*And, since this appears to be the "idiot" edition of Now You Know, I have to believe that many more of them are about to be uncovered in the DEA's "Raw Deal" steroid investigation. According to published reports, the DEA has sprung into action with their steroid sting, and the results have been quite bountiful. As many as 26 laboratories have been shut down or labeled as steroid factories, 120 people arrested and over 11 million doses of steroids or HGH have been confiscated. The long and short of it is, the DEA has effectively traced the production and sale of the roids, that I like the call the "PIPES-Line," from China, to Mexico, and then into the United States. This is big news, people. I gotta think, that if that's the way the bulk of these illegal muscle builders were getting into the country, then more than a few of these "boutique" pharmacies, like the ones used by Roidney Harrison and Rick Ankiel, are going to be shut down and their owners and operators prosecuted. Then, comes the fun stuff. Those guys are gonna start singing like canaries, to avoid jail time of course, and start giving the DEA every name they can think of to help save their own ass. Result? Lots of big time athletes, from lots of big time teams, are goin' down, down, down. Trust me, if this thing is half as big as I think it is, and 1/4 as big as the DEA is claiming it is, then there may not be a single sports team in a single city that's left untouched by this whole scandal. Get ready for heroes to become tainted, records to be questioned, and hearts to be broken. It's time for pro sports to pay the piper for all their years of indiscretion, and by George, it's bound to get nasty...

Fantasy Update
Last Week: Make It Reign! 111 Her Name is Ho Ho 37
Overall: 2-1-0, 4th place, 2nd in overall points

Next Week vs Sloppy Africans (0-3)

*That was certainly the easiest win I've ever had. Now, I move onto probably the worst team I have ever faced. To make things even better, I go into this week against a team that I recently defrauded in a trade (Brian Westbrook/Donte Stallworth for Ahman Green/Hines Ward). Let's just put it this way, both Green and Ward went down with injuries this weekend, and Westbrook ran wild for 100+ yards rushing and receiving, and 3 scores. If Westbrook can play the role of LT, and I still have LT, well....let's just say I like my chances.

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